12.18.2008



he and i just spent the last half hour sharing journal entries with each other.(no homo)

i'm so glad that i've written in my journal all these years

because now i get to go back and read my entries and see how goofy i was/am .

there are some things that stuck out to me :

there's this one girl's name that remains inscribed over and over again, from 16 to 19, and it's annoying because there will be a time to think of her, and write to her, but then nor now is that time. these years are so peculiar. my mind can be free of that pursuit, and responsibility. i am happy to say that these last three weeks have been [nearly] completely free of any romantic thought. three weeks! [can you believe it?]

there seems to be this pattern on the pages : i love you jesus, followed by "God, forgive me" [repeat and rinse] .

i enjoy my writing more than anyone probably ever will.

“I am enamored of my journal”

-Sir Walter Scott , ditto.

12.15.2008

honesty

Matthew 15:8
‘ These people draw near to Me with their mouth,And honor Me with their lips,But their heart is far from Me.

I think when we become ‘professional christians’, we find it easier and easier to speak with our mouths what our hearts really don’t believe. Its like we become accustomed to say what we believe God wants to hear, even if we really don’t mean it. This has just been in my heart lately… how we can speak so quickly and try to impress God with our sayings when in reality our hearts are far from what we say. We say we’re ready, when we really aren’t. We say “have your will”, when the truth is we really don’t want his will, we want our will. We say we are His, when our hearts are divided. But our acts only work on an audience. God IS truth, so im starting to think he wants our honesty more than he wants our pick up lines.

Doesn’t the Bible say that if we confess with our mouths what we believe in our hearts, we will be saved? Maybe that’s why we aren’t really free… cause we have confessed what we really haven’t believed.

So I changed my prayer, and I told God the other day “God… help me believe you. Help my unbelief.” … and I meant it… and it felt good. :)

be inspired !



love you guys !

12.11.2008

blah, blah, blah

i have too much time on my hands today. being an outcast gives me this great joy.
anyhow, i was reading a blog tonight that was mostly a complaint sheet listing all the things that annoyed that particular person. so i thought, "hey, almost everything annoys me. why don't i write about some of those things on my blog ?" and then i thought back to myself, and said "maybe because no one reads my blog and it would just be a waste of time".
but i can't go to sleep so here it goes .

here we go, the things that annoy a 19 year old bible college student :

[these are the things i think about]; pray for me .

1. Small talk.
Just get to the point already!

2.Brushing your teeth then drinking orange juice.

3.Cold toilet seat

4. The idea that the world runs on money

5.Wet socks.

6.When people leave time remaining on the microwave and you walk by assuming it's the correct time. happens all the time !

7.Getting out of a warm bed, when your house is freezing.

8.Bad internet connection.

9.When you forget you have headphones in and walk away from what they're plugged into

10.Grocery shopping carts with a bad wheel. i'm a walmart junkie .

11.beyonce's stupid commercials .

12.When someone that gets on your nerves IMs [or facebooks] you.

13. When your ears don't pop correctly and you get this excruciating pain as you descend in altitude on the plane ride.

14. crumbs an my keyboard [ as i type this, there are cracker crumbs on my fingers]
-because i can't stop eating in college .

15. popcorn getting stuck in my teeth .

16. Someone calls you. You miss the call by a second. You immediately call them back. They don't pick up. [ or the fact that i left my phone charger in Miami]

17. messy roommates .

18. when everyone seems to want to talk to me in the morning.

19. people waking me up in class. [ or church ]

20. the word "umm" [ especially in prayers ]

21. really loud praise and worship .

22. the one Asian lady in my class that asks me if i left my feet in Miami" everyday [ because i wear sandals to class and its 10 degrees outside ]

23. snow on my feet.

24. my lazy eye

25. pimples.

26. when you're talking to someone and they keep looking somewhere else .

27. People who tell stories in class that's irrelevant to the discussion. oh, grace.

28. Not remembering your dream from the night before

29. when you "feel" your phone get a text message, only to find that your inbox is empty.

30. Someone standing over my shoulder reading the computer screen. {...}

31. when your butt itches and you have to move around in your seat to scratch it, but it doesn't go away. [ or does that only happen to me? ]

32. People who voted for Obama just because everyone else did.

33. when people are praying for you and their breath smells like crap.

34. the "myspace angle" picture that every 15 yr old girl seems to have .

35. when people critique your posts {...}

36. when you're typing and the cursor moves to another spot

37. Fake laughter.

38. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"

39. sweaty armpits [ only reason the cold is good ]

40. forwarded emails that say " if you believe in God, pass this on to a million people"

41. dorm mentors who wake me up everyday by pulling my sheets off.

42. old people complaining about young people. [ "back in my days, blah,blah,blah" ]

43. people who always want to DO something when all i want to do is read or watch movies in my pj's.

44. when i ask for a plain McChicken and they screw up my order .

45. having to pee every time i wake up.

46. people making fun of my buddy holly glasses. [ just because they don't have lens]

47. when you feel like sneezing but it won't come out.

48. contagious yawns .

49. when churches try to be hip. [ lights, hip youth pastors, the fact that every worship leader has to dress cool ]

50. long offering speeches .

51. benny hinn.

52. spanish radio.

53. Venezuelan spanish.

54. people telling me to "buckle up" in a car .

55. Waking up for class

56. not being able to sleep at night.

12.09.2008

floating



this morning in class i prayed that i would be able to fly in a hot-air balloon. i've left where i didn't want to be and yet I'm not yet where i want to be and i won't be there for a while . a hot-air balloon ride would be perfect. i must be careful though because the dissatisfied place is a dangerous place. it is where most of humanity hangs, floating. distant from reality . it is of great importance that i touch land and follow the Sovereignty of the season.

i don't want to be floating forever.

12.07.2008



romance and the cold like each other .

"do not stir up or awaken love until it is ready." - Song of Songs .

12.05.2008

i am a mess .
i want to be 12 again and fix what i broke
i want to go back 2 1/2 months and not write that note .
i want to be 16 again .
Jesus feels so distant yet so near to me at this broken place .
someday i will look back and thank myself that i said no to her .
even if i feel like crap at the moment
right ?

12.03.2008

[ashley g.] ART



the last ten days of my life have been fascinating.
i was homeless for two days on the streets of downtown minnesota .
i turned 19 .
i went back to miami for a few days .
i preached a sermon on the love of money wearing glasses with no lens .
went to boca beach in my new jeans. > water was cold, waves were huge .
overdrafted my debit card on cici's pizza
envied Julio Anta's beard .
witnessed an arrest, followed by a brawl between the arrestee and arrestor(s) .
^ on the plane that was supposed to take me back to campus.
> was switched to another plane because of the blood .
arrived to campus at 430am . ( thank you roomie for picking me up so early in the morning)
tons of snow fell from the skies today
^ we responded by having massive snow ball fights/ wrestling matches
and sledding down hills for an hour .

Advent Conspiracy