i went to my friends house tonight and broke everything i touched.

my thoughts on war

lovefromkate.com -- check it out.

on other news, my friend Julio Anta lent me a book on writing by Anne Lamont so i should be getting better soon.

i should be gone by now.. somehow the winds blew softly enough to keep me here where i belong, belong-ed?, am.
well ya know how the morning rises every morning without permission? Well its kind of like that.
have you ever felt like there's force controlling behind the scenes, letting us feel free, a deceived kind of FREE?
that's exactly it. all this free time has let me make up theories and hide behind books that others wrote, lived, breathed.
point is, i want to write, live and breathe.
--i don't have a clue what i'm saying.
bare with me.

a safety pin is holding up the things THAT MAKE YOU MINE.

how to save a life by ArhcamtIlnaad

One day.

One day I'll move to Portland.

One day my car will stop making that horrible noise.

One day my father and I will agree on politics.

One day her gut feeling will go away.

One day I'll lay in bed next to my wife and children.

One day I'll have read all the books on my list.

One day I'll stop procrastinating.

One day my beard will grow over the patch on my neck.

One day I'll see the world.

One day I'll stop making lists of everything I'd like to see happen.

One day I'll be content with what is already in my hands.

One day.

Here's to making "one day," today.

i hereby give permission to be happy for them even though they're characters.

while everyone has sex...

i read books and write scribbles on sheets my mom or dog will one day find hidden in my closet reserved for winter coats. i am not unique, nor am i same. i am a reader, wishing i was interesting enough to be a character myself. i am a writer, a mute one in fact, this is all they hear of me. i rent movies, and while i do - dog cuddled in and fan powered to high - i realize that i watched it just so that i could tell her and one day i would be one of the "others", you know, the ones NOT watching the movies alone on Saturday nights.

i am a mess. i make up "she's" in my stories because no one really cares about spirituality or family life. i know this because these are the things that distant friends ask about over social networks. they ask about these things because they feel they have a right. but people are not entertained by these things. people want what they're not supposed to have. it's why teenagers watch porn and girls read vampire novels.

define tragedy: Nicholas sparks writes about his inability to hear God's voice or his wrestling's with Paul's letter to the Roman church instead of writing the greatest love story of the decade.

i have no chance to please this world.
and i'm beginning to be alright with that.

i guess i haven't been blogging lately because lately any blog over 120 characters goes unnoticed from the publics eye. there was only one person who seemed to absolutely love listening to me rav on and on about pointless theories and telling short stories that make absolutely no sense. that person swore to be gone forever from my life for Divine reasons which has me in this rather unhealthy habit of questioning God. in my life's span there's been hardly the pretense in my prayers, not uncommon for one raised in the Hispanic order. i was trained to wrestle with God in my prayers. i've been told that He's utterly and deeply interested in my struggles, doubts and worries. and i've got this guitar that was given to me by a gracious individual. so i've been spending my friendless nights with my six strings and a living God. i'm absolutely satisfied with having a Friend who loves unconditionally. i've also been trained to say that too. [thats what we christians have to say]. the truth is : i'm not. it would also be very true to say Christ is able to fully satisfy.

"i give you a finger and you take my whole arm"- my dad says all the time.

unfortunately with God i've been content with a little when He's offering so much more. so from now on i'm going to be like a good friend and stay on the "phone", press through those awkward silent moments, and call more than just when i'm bored. and like lovers, we'll only hang up when we've mistakenly fallen asleep.

“Poetry is the music of the soul, and, above all, of great and feeling souls.”
— Voltaire

what to say what to say ?
my mind feels as though it were a shrewd worm trying to sneak from out under Everest. i haven't been able to think creatively in the last couple days. its terrible.
my friend leaves school today, and i probs won't see him for a very long time. this life that the good God has given me resembles that of a tent. i am never home. i am always saying goodbye...

O—O (via kimdokhac)

jason reeves defined us through the year.
john mayer carried us over to this "whatchamacallit" season we are all in.
who know's what these next few moons has in store for us...
does anyone know, "really? please tell me."

#bestfriends.

travel with canon my desire


dream landscape (via Barnies)

“Talent is helpful in writing, but guts are absolutely necessary.”
— Jessamyn West

heart-drop

I'm thinking about how far I am willing to go for this thing that I want most in my life right now. Am i willing to lay that down for a while and believe that God can bring it back to life again? As far as I know, all my human effort will fall to the dust. Only the Divine can sway...

my LOVE/HATE relationship with romance

my biggest temptation right now is to FLOAT.
i want to just play guitar all day and read TUMBLR.
most of my blogs are made up love poems that i post
to make the reader think i'm in WONDER.
i'm not there.
haven't been there for a VERY, VERY long time.

--

i'm so interested in romance. i admit i find it fascinating.
i grew up in a home that constantly surrounded me with it.
my mom still gets nervous when my dad knocks on the door.
and so i've found in myself an inclination to daydream, write, dialogue
about romance ALL THE TIME.

--

i also have found that nothing in the world scares the hell out of me
like romance does. the thought of it makes me run back to my cave
with Don Miller. He's really good for lonely people like myself.

--

i learned recently that there are some people that aren't fascinated
by romance at all. they actually daydream about being single all their lives...drinking tea and becoming a Secret Window character. it doesn't bother them at all. they write about things that matter, like Obama's progress as president or the comparison between Macbooks and PCs. some of them even write about Jesus all the time.

lucky souls.

just going to go ahead and say that this weekend ranks amongst the greatest.
thank you miami.

ten steps to becoming a better writer

according to brian clark:


Write.
Write more.
Write even more.
Write even more than that.
Write when you don’t want to.
Write when you do.
Write when you have something to say.
Write when you don’t.
Write every day.
Keep writing.

--i think its nearly the same method for photography .
and love?

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
— Jim Morrison

i daydreamed today for nearly three hours on whether Jesus would want to have coffee with me or not. At first, i thought that Jesus might be a tea kind of God.
i concluded that if i'd ask Him to coffee He'd probably shrug His shoulders and say "shoot, why not?". then i imagined that He asked me why i talked about romance so much on my blog.
he said that he agreed with Torres.
i complained to Him saying that He messed up when He made it this way. i told him that it should be a lot easier, without headaches, phone scratches,etc. oh, and i told him that hormones was a bad idea too.
overall, it was a pretty sweet daydream.

Yikes! The truth is known: what transpired between us- love or infatuation or whatever it was- here is the proof. it was real,it was deep. i didn't think it was this deep did you? i moved thousands of miles away but there's this annoying room with a locked door in my mind. there's conversations and memories locked in there. on nights like these i feel hopeful enough to crawl in - I PEAK. and every time i do it takes me back to this place. i dream, you know that right?
course you do.

oh, how many times have i tried to forget
that god-forsaken table.
the story of the kiss rejected
(any thoughts of kissing another)
i know what you said (they told me)
and i walked away
trying to convince myself that it was
ALL A HOAX.
all lies, right ?
noel you're wrong.
i left but she's gone.
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN:
only the good-looking guys win them back at
THE END.

“I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.”
-the notebook

“You are everything
I have always dreamed of but
never woke up to.”

nightmare.

“[reading, about Noah] She had come back into his life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into his heart. Noah stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony he knew would be his if he were to lose her twice.”
— The Notebook

dreams.

as i lay next to one of my best friends last night, i said: " i don't want to ever lay next to someone and have them ask me about my dreams and my answer being so moderate that their only response would be " oh, that's cool."

i've always been a dreamer. and i think it's alright.

on the subject of THE GIRL: I'm still trying to figure out the line between DREAMER AND CREEPER. :) ( just kidding people . )

art and coffee.

I recently listened to a lecture by John Piper in which he spent an hour talking about his story and how he got to the place that he's at. If you do not know who John Piper is and for some reason are interested in getting to know him, you could tune into his podcast titled " the pastor as scholar ". In his lecture he goes on a 5 minute rampage on writing and why he loves the art. Piper says that poetry is a way of putting words together that awakens things in people that wouldn’t have been awakened unless it had been written. writing to me is one of the things that i do for myself. i don't usually have my readers in mind when i'm writing. that's probably why i go through journals at the pace i do. i started this blog after struggling for a while. my struggle was that because my writing was mostly a thing i did to function properly, or as a means of venting, THAT it would be pointless to publish my ramblings to the public and that maybe i should just stick to journaling.
that's when i started to love art.
the beauty of art is that it is all about expression. some would say that it IS expression. i enjoy listening to music because it is like sitting at a coffee shop with your roommate telling stories to one another. music lets me sit down with the likes of Mayer and Fitzgerald, Upton and Dylan. i just sit quietly drinking my mocha while they spend 90 or so minutes telling me their stories, the drawings on their heart. that IS how they say we know one's heart (they say): by LISTENING.
and there's something beautiful and enticing about the opportunity. we all want to know that we are not alone on this God-made planet.
that's what art gives us.
her songs, although sung for the sake of venting or expression, will beckon millions to coffee. sit down and share in this gift of life called fellowship.
we all need it. and that's why i blog.

the least jealous of loves

"Lamb says somewhere that if, of three friends (A,B and C), A should die, then B not only loses A but "A"'s part in C, while C loses not only A but 'A's part in B'. In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; i want other lights than my own to show all his facets. Now that Charles is dead, I shall never again see Ronald's reaction to a specifically Caroline joke. Far from having more of Ronald, having him 'to myself' now that Charles is away, I have less of Ronald. Hence true Friendship is the least jealous of loves. Two friends delight to be joined by a third, and three by a fourth, if only the newcomer is qualified to become a real friend. They can then say, as the blessed souls say in Dante, 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away'...we possess each friend not less but more as the number of those with whom we share him increases. In this, Friendship exhibits a glorious 'nearness by resemblance' to Heaven itself where the very multitude of the blessed [which no man can number] increases the fruition which each has of God. For every soul, seeing Him in her own way, doubtless communicates that unique vision to all the rest. That, says an old author, is why the Seraphim in Isaiah's vision are crying 'Holy, holy, holy' to one another [ Isa 6:3 ]. The more we thus share the Heavenly Bread, the more we shall all have."

-C.S Lewis.

Resurrection.

In 1 Corinthians 15, Paul writes about redemption. What he really does is talk about resurrection but they are one and the same. He says that life would be futile if Christ had not risen from the grave. If Christ would have died, and stayed dead, it would have been the greatest downer the world would ever see. I mean how can a Man who preached that everything needed to be resurrected ( redeemed, if you will ) not come back to life after His own death ? It would be foolishness. Life would be futile without the resurrection. We would have no hope. We would live like the pagan who thinks that life is not eternal, and consequently - we should just live to bring pleasure to our bodies while we have them.
What hope would creation have? The trees would stay barren, satisfied with it's winter dress. It would groan with no avail for all of its days.

*Right outside my window stands erected a 100+ foot tree. I have been watching this tree go through its seasons since i moved up here. In the winter time, i would look out my window at "my" tree to find it barren and very emo-like.
it was dead.
My tree is green again. It has come to life again ( although it was only it's appearance that was dead-like ). Signs of life all over campus again. Resurrection.

Creation still groans, but with hope. It hopes for a better day. All of nature hopes for the day with Christ will be on the throne, on earth. All will be redeemed. The curse will be removed.

We too wait in hope. Our bodies will be redeemed. As for now, we believe that when Christ rose from the dead, so did we. We are not dead anymore. We can now live the Christ-life here on earth. He put in the grave our lust, greed, selfishness, hate.
We are a new creation, filled with love, joy, peace , and righteousness. Filled with hope.

We share our material possessions ( because nothing is really OURS... ). WE fast our food and give it to someone who could really use some. We put away our time-consuming electronics and commit to live life WITH OTHERS. We pray TOGETHER, eat TOGETHER, laugh & cry TOGETHER, because this is how it's supposed to be. We live as if we had hope of a heaven on earth. Because we do.

I'm not blogging anymore of my ideals. I'm trying to live this out before i ever tell someone about it.

My friend and I put away our electronics for a few weeks to live life more simple. My friend lent me her laptop to type up my paper and i thought i'd write something. SO here it is.

( ..the SIMPLE WAY is so under-rated )

This is very disheartening (Kiva loans statistics).

This was brought to my attention via twitter update from Zach Lind:

Below is a screen shot of the two highest lending groups on the micro-lending website Kiva: Atheists, Agnostics, Skeptics, Freethinkers, Secular Humanists and the Non-Religious, and Kiva Christians. As you can see in the "Total Loaned" section it shows the Athiest group with $432,950.00 loaned, and the Christian group with only $349,250.00 loaned.

(click for larger view)

It's pretty interesting to see that the group with the Savior who spoke so much about the poor is more reluctant to loan out money than the group with no Savior, or God with a heart for the poor. This should be pretty disheartening for those of us who call ourselves Christians, especially since this is the loaning, not even GIVING of your money.

Here are three of the over 300 verses in the Bible on the poor, and social justice:

Matthew 5:42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Deuteronomy 15:7 If there is a poor man among your brothers in any of the towns of the land that the LORD your God is giving you, do not be hardhearted or tightfisted toward your poor brother.

Luke 16:19-25 There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell,where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.' But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony.

If you are not yet a member of Kiva or have never tried micro-lending, the passages below were taken from their website. I signed up for the site today and made my first loan to a man named Haytham in North Lebanon for his CD & Cassette shop on behalf of the Kiva Christians group. They're doing some really cool stuff with this site, please consider it.

---

What is Kiva?

We Let You Loan to the Working Poor

Kiva's mission is to connect people through lending for the sake of alleviating poverty.

Kiva is the world's first person-to-person micro-lending website, empowering individuals to lend directly to unique entrepreneurs around the globe.

The people you see on Kiva's site are real individuals in need of funding - not marketing material. When you browse entrepreneurs' profiles on the site, choose someone to lend to, and then make a loan, you are helping a real person make great strides towards economic independence and improve life for themselves, their family, and their community. Throughout the course of the loan (usually 6-12 months), you can receive email journal updates and track repayments. Then, when you get your loan money back, you can relend to someone else in need.

Kiva partners with existing expert microfinance institutions. In doing so, we gain access to outstanding entrepreneurs from impoverished communities world-wide. Our partners are experts in choosing qualified entrepreneurs. That said, they are usually short on funds. Through Kiva, our partners upload their entrepreneur profiles directly to the site so you can lend to them. When you do, not only do you get a unique experience connecting to a specific entrepreneur on the other side of the planet, but our microfinance partners can do more of what they do, more efficiently.

Kiva provides a data-rich, transparent lending platform. We are constantly working to make the system more transparent to show how money flows throughout the entire cycle, and what effect it has on the people and institutions lending it, borrowing it, and managing it along the way. To do this, we are using the power of the internet to facilitate one-to-one connections that were previously prohibitively expensive. Child sponsorship has always been a high overhead business. Kiva creates a similar interpersonal connection at much lower costs due to the instant, inexpensive nature of internet delivery. The individuals featured on our website are real people who need a loan and are waiting for socially-minded individuals like you to lend them money.

ORIGINALLY POSTED AT: julioanta.tumblr.com

my thoughts exactly

before conversion of course...

www.eatsleepdraw.com

twitter.

i'm also on twitter. why the rut? well i'm just getting to ready for when I'm a million miles away and i want to keep in touch with the world. either way, twitter is a fascinating networking site, to say the least. if you're too busy to check out multiple sites, my twitter updates are right on the side of melast. what's twitter noel?!

once again, wiki comes in to the rescue.

"♦Twitter is a social networking and micro-blogging service that allows its users to send and read other users' updates (known as tweets), which are text-based posts of up to 140 characters in length."


TWITTER .

tumblr.

i'm currently working on a site where i will be sharing from as soon as i move overseas... it's still under construction so don't expect anything, but you could bookmark it and check back on it sometime in January, twenty-10. meanwhile, i'll still be blogging on melast.

to who it may concern.
noel.

my fingers are on my keyboard at this precise moment all because of one man's suggestion. he suggested that i update my blog, probably because it's easy to lose my readers if i don't blog frequently. i understand that this is true, and i do care about you guys, but I'd much rather facebook or talk on the phone. see, on this blog thing, it's only me putting myself out there (or here).

[and for what reason?]

either way, I'm putting my fingers to a task that they have come to abhor. and before you make the assumption that i have lost my love for writing, consider this: i have spent most of my time [outside of class and work] on this laptop of mine, doing an exaggerated amount of Theology homework. it has consumed my life, nearly. after spending an hour & 1/2 on my report prior to this,



i thought that it would be o.k for me to invest into the blogosphere. i don't feel as though i have much to offer today, (or for the last few weeks), so please pray to God that my mind would not be so caught up on learning [guitar and theology] and looking at/drawing random pictures on random scraps of paper.



my life lately has been pretty mundane. i have been experimenting with some new things lately, like fasting and interacting in class.

broomball is quickly becoming one of my favorite sports; not so much because i'm any good at it, but mostly because it gives me an excuse to hit people. broomball, for you southerners, is a lot like hockey, except without skates. it is played on ice.
which means that you fall a lot. A LOT.



oh, BIG NEWS ! I'm [almost] officially going to Kenya in January for sixteen months. for you new readers, I've been training to be a missionary for the last six months, and part of my training involves going to school in a country overseas. the options are to either go to Austria, Central Asia, France, or Kenya. I've decided to go to Kenya!

and that's where i am at. on the outside. for more intimate details about my life, call me... or wait for me to post a blog at one of my weak moments.

i would really love to hear about you and you're life (wow, i made it seem as though they are separate).

compassion

Mark 6:34

“And Jesus, when He came out, saw a great multitude and was moved with compassion for them, because they were like sheep not having a shepherd.”

That’s the kind of heart I want to have. A heart that is completely moved by compassion. And those are the kind of eyes I want to have. Eyes that are on the least of these. Eyes that don’t see the speck on someone elses eyes, because I have one too. Eyes that see through a veil of love. And those are the kind of feet I want to move me. Feet that are moved by compassion. Where my pride is diminished and my selfishness is left behind. Where someone else’s need comes before my own wants. Where I don’t possess anything I can’t give away. Where it’s not about me. But it’s about you. And it’s about God. Because at the end of the day, that is what Love does. Love gives. And you and me and them and us, we’re all the same. We all want love. Because we were designed to desire our Creator, who IS love. That is the denominator that we have all fallen under. So I will love, because He first loved me. (1 john 4:19)

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired. - Mother Teresa

For today's blog, I would like to redirect you to my favorite blogger's recent post.
His name is Stephen Christian and the link is
Www.modesty.blogspot.com
Read all his stuff but specifically his blog titled
"thr33 lies"

obrigado e boa noite

Journey

I've been really inspired lately, and it's all been because of what God's been teaching me about journey. I've realized that we as humans are on this journey, of following the two Christ commandments. Because it's a journey, it makes the yoke easy and the burden light on following both of those commandments. On the God part , I beat myself up because of my constant failings, but am encouraged that I will be on this journey for eternity, and I will have many ups and downs. On the loving people part, I am jubilant that I am not on this journey alone, but that I'm surrounded by a cloud of witnesses of struggle and success. I love that there's there old and young alike that can say amen to my feelings of loneliness and apathy, alongside with my zeal and ecstacy. The journey makes me forgive quickly, we don't have time to waste on silly disputes and hiding behind the bush of our mistakes. We have all said wrong things; but it's jubilee time. It's time to forgive all debts, wipe the slate clean, and love each other. One day we will all look back at our journals and pictures and laugh at our crushes and divisions, and yet still be on the common theme of life: the journey.

For the sake of love and harmony, let's lay aside all that divides us. the doctrine, status, past, or even romance are all like the fading grass.

so i woke up today, walked out my dorm to find that it was -41 degrees (wind chill) out. all is not grim though, they say that it will be 30 degrees this saturday.

i tried to describe how great this story of friendship is, but i found it to be impossible.