oh, summer

this past friday was my last day of high school. i have mixed emotions concerning that. [ mostly relieved ] . By late August, i will be in Minnesota for college. again, mixed emotions. a large portion of my time spent in college will be overseas. [ it is a "missionary college" ].

i remember when i used to spend my entire summer days running around being a kid. i want that again.

so i'm giving away my laptop for the summer and will be completely abandoned to God, family, friends, video games and books.

I am graduating this Friday at Florida International University and so my sister is congratulating me with a sweet camcorder. i will keep you informed of my time spent on campus and on the mission field through the medium of this precious graduation gift.

either way, i am sure Melissa will continue to blog throughout the summer. as for Julio Anta... he will be writing/ touring on the famous Warped Tour this summer so he might keep us posted on his experiences there.

i hope i will be able to post this summer but if not,
Have a great summer

give me bread..

“Why do you look for the living among the dead?” Luke 24:5

We are all looking. The Bible says all creation groans in eager expectation for the revealing of the sons of God. Why the sons of God? Simple…because we look like our Father. So we’re looking… each and every one of us are looking and searching. Remember how Adam got kicked out of the Garden of Eden?? You and me… we want to go back in. Back into the place of completion, where there were no questions as to where we were going next and what we should do with our lives because we walked with God, where we were surrounded by life because nothing had died until Adam killed to conceal his sin, where the sweet smell of the breath of God lingered in the air. We want to go back in… we want God again….so we are looking for a way.
But why do we look for the living among the dead? Why do we look for the living God among the dead world? Why do we look for God in “old tombs” of relationships, ambitions, money, and compromise? He is not there. And being someone who has looked frantically like a deer pants for water… I’ve tried to find Him. I’ve tried to find the acceptance of God inside people, I’ve tried to find the will of God inside “safe small steps” instead of leaps of faith, and I’ve tried to find the richness of God inside ambitions of this world. I’ve tried all that with no luck… but today during lunch at work, I think I found Him. I found him and he wasn’t inside church [not saying church is bad… just go with me here]. I found Him and he wasn’t inside a theologian or scholar. I found Him and surprisingly enough it wasn’t inside Jason Upton…[haha]. I found Him in bread.
In Luke 24, after Jesus had died and resurrected, he appeared to 2 men walking down the road to a city named Emmaus. They were talking about Jesus, trying to understand the crucifixion when out of a sudden Jesus came up and started walking with them. They didn’t recognize that it was Him, so they started talking TO Jesus, ABOUT Jesus. When they finally got to where they were going, they invited Jesus to stay with them. The Bible then says that Jesus took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. “Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him” [Luke 24:31]. He took bread and broke it, THEN their eyes were opened and they recognized Him. What is bread? The word of God (John 6:51,John 1:1). Once the bread AKA the Word was torn open, they were able to recognize Jesus.
We have been looking for the living among the dead… when all we need to do is tear open the word of God to be able to recognize who He is in our lives.
I’m still learning and trying, but my soul longs yes even faints [IM STARVING] for the courts of the Lord, my heart and flesh cry out for the living God [Psalm 84]. Give me bread…

task at hand

i came across an old prayer of a Danish Pastor named Kaj Munk. Munk was an outspoken priest and playwright who spoke these prophetic words before he was killed, with his Bible next to him, by the Gestapo in January 1944

( careful, it might get you killed )

"What is, therefore ,our task today? Shall i answer : "faith, hope, and love"? That sounds beautiful. But i would say - courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature... we lack a holy rage- the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. the ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth... a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God's earth, and the destruction of God's world. To rage when little children must die of hunger, when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries. To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek that restlessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God. And remember the signs of the Christian Church have been the Lion, the Lamb, the Dove, and the Fish... But never the chameleon. "

i want a beard

" [justice]...It needs to become more than a TREND. It should be something that Consumes us,

because after all that is what Jesus cared about." - [anayanez.blogspot.com]

i read , write alot on justice. i do very little.

i want a beard.
it would make me look cool.
cool because radical.
because radical is cool.
i don't even have to be radical to be cool.
just look it
so i want a beard and dreads, and a picture with a child from sudan.
and i'll keep writing these blogs on justice
and keep my hands and feet clean.
jesus you came to wash your disciples feet
but mine are pretty clean.
so forgive me.
you're calling me to risk
to be faceless,
to act.



i'm sorry God.

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”
- von Goethe

give a shhhh...

i was reading an article today that really convicted me. it was talking about being pro-life. as soon as you read those two words "pro-life", abortion came into your mind. atleast it had that effect on me. but being pro-life isnt just protesting against the murdering of babies, but also for the sanctity of life as God intended it. every human being, baby and adult alike, have the right of life. so being pro-life means protesting against the things that are against life, like war, disease, racism, slavery, etc. all of which are very real. these are the "principalities and powers" that Jesus overcame and that we are called to war against. greed must be combated with radical generosity. hatred combated with love. war with peace, loneliness with compassionate community, and so on. these are all things that are seeking to choke life. unfortunately, the american dream has taught us that greed is at times wisdom, when jesus of nazareth taught that in order to find our life - we must first lose it. i could go on but i wont.

the following is an excerpt from the article i was reading: [ i must warn you, it might offend ] .

[ Sacred Reality by :Erin Warde, Burnside writers collective }

Speaking at Wheaton College, Tony Campolo once had great opposition to his words (which have been quoted various times, various ways, with the meaning still valid), “I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.” Not only do I find truth in his words, but also in the reaction. Crowds were shocked, just as he knew they would be. And, though I can speak for no one’s heart, I believe that those people were far more concerned with a four letter word uttered in church than 30,000 deaths. To make things a bit more real, 17 million children, just children, die from malnutrition and starvation each year, and I do believe that we as a society cannot bring ourselves to show enough compassion for these children and, as Campolo noted frankly - give a shit.

please share your thoughts.

undiscovered

“Community cannot for long feed on itself; it can only flourish with the coming of others from beyond, their unknown and undiscovered brothers.”
-Howard Thurman

i think i can drive in my neighborhood blindfolded. but there are so many roads out there, and it would be foolish of me think that driving in my neighborhood is the only place i should drive. in the same way, we should be continually opening our arms to new people. they aren't actually new people, they're just new to you and i. they have some years on them. they've laughed, and cried. been loved, been broken. they've been alone in their room, just like you and i, staring at their roof. they have the other part of the song. i must confess that there have been times when i have built up walls around my friends, and you needed like a special pass to hang with us. but i think God's calling us to lay down our arms to the "unknown and undiscovered brothers.” this year i tried it out, and i made some amazing friends. i hope this summer will be a season of beautiful community.

this word community has messed me up by the way. Jesus was the ultimate friend. he laid down His life for His friends. he showed us what true friendship was.

and... God has been speaking to me alot lately. Yay! actually it is really exciting although it cuts me to the heart. every time i have had food or money in my hand this past week [money- very few times]; he has whispered in my heart to share with someone. i have failed miserably proving to me that i am very selfish. so i'm working on "giving my coat away" even if it leaves me cold.

make a new friend

i hope you dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder, You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted, GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean, Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin', Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.I hope you dance....I hope you dance.
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)

-By Leeann Womak

building barns

"He who thinks that he is finished is finished. How true. Those who think they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. Those who think they are saints, in all reality are demons."
-Henri Nouwen, The Genessee Diary.

so to all you "saints" out there, get down! you're not that great.
to the old and retired, use your wealth and wisdom for the benefit of others, not just for yourself.
to the talented, remember the days when you loved to practice, and do it again.

become a child again.

[ food for thought ] : 97 % of people evangelized this year were done so by "first-year" Christians.

beloved's.

Henri Nouwen: "Christian community is a community of people who remind each other who they truly are - the beloved of God."

try saying "hi" to as many people as you possibly can today. and maybe even make it your aim to make someone feel special, and good about themselves. in time, it will turn into habit. they might think you're weird at first, but hey, that's ok. talk to someone you don't usually talk to. i mean really talk. together we can be a community that lifts each other and is filled with hope as we await our Savior. together.

Let's Spread Love

when the time comes...

When the Time Comes
You are wisdom but you ask questions
Thank you God for never telling me a lie

Your decisions are mostly hidden
The stage you stand upon is not for human eyes

You tell me not to worry about tomorrow But I worry anyway
You tell me you’ll take care of all my troubles
Jesus, teach me how to wait

You are future but you are present
Thank you God for never running from your past

You’re committed to your creation
For everything you’ve made your love forever lasts

You tell me not to worry about tomorrow but I worry anyway
You tell me you’ll take care of all my troubles
Jesus, teach me how to wait

When the time comes, I will see forever
When the time comes, It’ll be all right
When the time comes, I will be the one asking why


- Jason Upton


jesus you are committed to me, Your creation. even though i am a screw up. You're patient with me. God i am so longing to be with You already.


"When the time comes, It’ll be all right
When the time comes, I will be the one asking why".

"i hate everything about my ways but you tell me that i'm ok. thank you so much jesus for saying that."- Bryce Avary

gravity

"what great gravity is this that drew my soul towards yours? what great force, that though i went falsely, went kicking, went disguising myself to earn your love, also disguised, to earn your keeping, your resting, your staying, your will fleshed into mine, rasped by a slowly revealed truth, the barter of my soul, the soul that i fear, the soul that i loathe, the soul that: if you will love, i will love. i will redeem you, if you will redeem me? is this our purpose, you and i together to pacify each other, to lead each other toward the lie that we are good, that we are noble, that we need not redemption, save the one that you and i invented of our own clay?
i am not scared of you, i am scared of me.
we were fools to believe that we would redeem each other.
what great gravity is this that drew my heart toward yours? what great force collapsed my orbit, my lonesome state? what is that wants in me the want in you? don't we go at each other with yielded eyes, with cumbered hands and feet, with clunky tongues? this deed is unattainable! we cannot know each other!
i will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. i will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. i will simply love. i am giving myself to you, and tomorrow i will do it again. i suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before i am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
God risked Himself on me. i will risk myself on you. and together, we will learn love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us. "
-Don Miller, Polaroids

the great gravity that brought jesus from the heavens unto this earth will bring me down too, unto my knees, for the least.

girls and lack of.

" i understand you can learn a great deal about girldom by reading Pride and Prejudice, and i own a copy, but i have never read it. i tried. it was given to me by a girl with a little note inside that read: what is in this book is the heart of a woman. i am sure the heart of a woman is pure and lovely, but the first chapter of said heart is hopelessly boring. nobody dies at all. i keep the book on my shelf because girls come into my room, sit on my couch, and eye the books on the adjacent shelf. you have a copy of Pride and Prejudice, they exclaim in a gentle sigh and smile. yes, i say. yes, i do."
- Don Miller, Blue like jazz

i know nothing of girls.
and i suck at acoustic guitar.

.

the pursuit of righteousness

I am in a pursuit. I feel a lot like King David in Psalm 27:8 when he said “When You said, “Seek My face, “My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.” My heart is just responding to the desires of Gods heart as he gently whispers them over me. Deep calling out to deep. Like I’m in a desert frantically, desperately looking for water. Just a drop won’t even satisfy cause I need to be immersed into a river that never runs dry. I can’t even explain how I feel… it’s as if every time I even think about God I fall more in love. And the thought that the same God who in half a sentence created the heavens and the Earth longs for my weak devotion is the greatest romance I could have ever hoped for. You know how they say that eyes are the windows to ones soul? His eyes are a blazing fire…Rev 19:12, revealing the burning passion He has inside for you and for me. My whole being wants to be consumed by this fire… till there’s nothing left but Love in me.
Songs of Solomon 8:6-7
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

on the keyboard.

tonight i spent a couple of hours on my laptop listening to music, watching the nba playoffs, and contemplating my grounding. that's right, im grounded again. i'm realizing i dont fit into the school system. they want me to do work at home. i disagree with that notion. i spend enough time at the prison they call school so when i get home, i'm over the rainbow and am a slave to freedom and to the wind. i can do as i please and i will bulldozer all that stand in my way. i'm just playing, i'm not that rebellious to school. i actually enjoy learning it's just the take home work that pisses the hell out of me. my brother in-law thinks that i'm creating a habit for college. my dad says it's more of a habit for life. they're probably right. i think i might drop out, but seeing that there's only 15 more days of school and my cap and gown is on my passenger seat...i think i might endure.

on another thought: i love the night-time. everyone is asleep except for me and God, and snoopy. i think i'm nocturnal. the night time brings me to life again. my headphones are the keys to my spaceship. the bible is blurry but it makes me. i'm minutes away from the most beautiful place in my life right now: my dreams.

life is wonderful.

currently
listening to: jon foreman/ in my arms ; death cab for cutie
reading: the Psalms ; the irrestible revolution and Stephen Christian essays [ www.modesty.blogspot.com ]

and
i'm starting to believe i'm writing to myself and Mr.Torres. [ no complaint intended ]

pride vs. improvement

the following is an essay from Stephen Christian, the guitarist of the band 'Anberlin' . :

"The (un)easiest acquisition.
praise is an easy acquisition, anyone that considers you a friend or you consider them a friend would instantaneously extend a kind word upon request. compliments seem to waterfall from most parents (hopefully) at random occasions and most of the time you don’t even have to ask for their approval, they simply profess it without a proposition.

the challenge in life is not to acquire praise but seeking criticism; Wilma askinas said “A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.”
other people already know the dark/negative sides of us even when we ourselves cannot see it. it takes a real man or women to ask our true friends “what are some areas of my life you see i need to work on? what are some of my character flaws and how do you think i can improve them?”

by knowing the answers to these questions and NOT TAKING OFFENCE TO THE ANSWERS YOU RECIEVE, digesting them, and working on those areas in our life to improve ourselves we are not only working on/out our shortcomings but improving ourselves and the lives of the people around us.

'honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger'. Franklin Jones
mr. jones was saying that criticism is going to be hard to take from anyone; and it will be. most friends are going to be VERY hesitant about giving you the truth until they see why you want it and trust you that you are not going to be defensive and begin to point out their flaws. unwanted criticism about personalities and character is the poison in the vein of a healthy friendship. never point out someone’s flaws just because you assume they want to change as well. if you do ask your friends the heart wrenching questions above you will see that one has to arrive in a particular mental state, prepared for the number of discouraging answers one might receive, before you even initially ask. let them see the improvement in your life by applying the solutions to their answers and they will want to ask you the same questions down the road.

why not improve? why not question our family and friends with these questions? why live in a constant state of denial the rest of our lives? realize that the only person you are deceiving is yourself, everyone around you knows your shortcomings! what holds us back is not a lack of time, deep friendship, or honesty… it is merely PRIDE. it is the deception of self-righteousness that is the ugliest cause of the constant lack of improvement in our character and lives.

Kill Pride. Improve."

idea: get together with some friends and talk. better yet, sit on your parents' bed and ask them how you can improve.

it will hurt. like a sword.

attraction.

‘sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. it is as if they are showing you the way.’- Don Miller

dear friends and leaders, i was cold, but you fanned the flame in me, just by watching you love God.

thank you for your passion.

i hope one day i can do the same to others.

fAT fRIENDS

my ex-fiancee

My heart leaped for joy

when I ran into my ex-fiancé,

the love of my life,

and she said, “I miss you.”

Until I realized she was saying,

“Ayeee! My shoe!!”

As I was standing on her foot.

- aaron donley

it was confirmed to me this past week that i am very clumsy. i fell countless times on my senior trip. on sunday, me and a few friends from church went to mourn with a friend that had her dad pass away, and while i was on the phone with a friend, i crashed my head into one of her dad's trophy animals that was hanging on the wall. i fell, they laughed. she smiled. and that made me smile.
and so i got up and my glasses fell. that got less laughs and more weird looks toward me.

they think i've lost it.

bono

When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. 
It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed. 
You and I, we are the Church, no? We have to share with our people. Suffering today is because people are hoarding, not giving, not sharing. 
Jesus made it very clear. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.
Give a glass of water, you give it to me. Receive a little
child, you receive me.

 

me and You and them and me

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa

i fell in love this week with:

1. reading [ the irrestible Revolution by: Shane Clairborne } & {blue like jazz - again ]
2. a guy named Allistair "Superdutch". [ whom i met in N.Carolina ] . i'm not gay.
3. another guy named Julio Anta [ and his many questions on faith and his liberal point of view. ]
4. guitar [ and old hymns ]
5. Mother Teresa
6. the poor. [ and those who love them ]
7. Apparently this curly haired girl [ and my not being able to keep her off my mind , or conversation ] .
8. Travis & Turn .
9 . Dashboard Confessional and So Impossible.

and i'm really hoping to fall in love with the Bible again, my attempt begins tonight with Hosea.

i'm hoping that i will be able to write a real blog by the end of the week, so bear with me. and pray hard, because i suck at this writing thing.

bye.