you have heard it said:

"We are the ones who are right, they are the ones who are wrong. We are the good guys, they are the bad guys. We are honest, they are crooks."

but i tell you this : " no man is good "

we're all sheep .

free falling

Here I am once again
Mercy is what I know best
They told me we are all prone to fall
So here I am once again
But this time when I fall
I'm going to free fall in love with You

Ecclesiastes 3:11
Yet God has made everything beautiful for
its own time. He has planted eternity in the human
heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope
of God’s work from beginning to end.

wheat & tare

i love how jesus leaves the tares with the wheat...
how he left the cursing psalms
& the patriarchs screw ups
& the sex in the song of songs.
& the story of when He beat the crap out of the moneychangers in the temple.
& paul and peter's argument behind closed doors.
& " jesus wept " .
& the wedding at cana, and how he kept the party going by providing the wine.
& the emo poetry in ecclesiastics.
...
because at the end He makes it all beautiful .
...

leave it all in. the beauty and the beast . the wheat and the tare .
humanity is beautiful.
be human.

"Life in community is no less than a necessity for us,
an inescapable 'must'...
all life created by God
exists in communal order
and works toward community."

-- Eberhard Arnold

being with the same people over and over again,
every day,
amplifies the need for forgiveness
again and again
and that i must learn to love
again and again.
i need to get over my insecurities.
asap.

give me eyes to see

Habakkuk 2:3
For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

Though it tarries, wait for it. Because it will surely come. It will not tarry.

Though it tarries, it will not tarry…..?

I prayed this morning and asked God to remove the veil of time from my eyes. Perhaps instead of me not seeing something that He sees, this time it’s that I am seeing something He doesn’t. I see time. I see waiting. I see questions and I see my own plans. But He doesn’t. He’s not subject to time. He’s not dependant of a clock or a calendar. And my own impatience demands explanations for his tarrying… when all along he’s saying “it will not tarry”. It’s not delayed. So I want His eyes. I want to see not just what He sees, but how He sees. I want to wake up and not worry about tomorrow. I want to “sleep” like Jesus did through the winds and the waves and know in my heart that it will be okay. I want to be okay with the fact that maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I have for myself and that maybe He wants to surprise me. And I want to let him take me there.

Half of our lives are spent trying to find something to do with the time we rushed through life trying to save. – [I don’t know who wrote this…. But its good.]

I flip my pillow to get to the cold side.
the same thing over and over again gets boring.
i read the book of Ruth today. don't know why she got her own book .
couldn't they have stuck her cute story in the middle of Judges or something ?
i now feel cool about her calling me her 'Boaz' . I thought it was a french curse word prior to my excursion into Ruth today during the old guy's lecture today in class.
i bought 5 dollar coffee tonight. actually two of them, one for a friend.
it just tastes better that way .
oh, and sorry.
for calling the church a whore.
i shouldn't have .

"the church is a whore and she is my mother"
-St. Augustine.

the church is indeed a whore but she is not my mother. She is me [ ? } and you
[ possibly ]
and yes, we are very sinful. we judge others when we ourselves are worthy of judgment. and this makes me angry.
but i won't run away. i won't give up on us .
i will pray for change.
and go back to the shack.

"were in repair" - John Mayer .

"loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named 'not good' " .
- Milton.

Naked.

"and the man and his wife were both naked and unashamed" - Genesis 2:25

Has anyone wondered why we wear clothes?
Adam and Eve didn't wear clothes before the Fall, right?
they didn't. (just in case you were searching)
They were naked, and unashamed.
I've never been naked, and unashamed.
why is that?
The Fall.
We lost relationship with Love.
and so were on this search for someone, something, to love us.
to tell us we are valuable.
when all along, Abba is asking:
"Where are you Adam?"
But i run, toiling and spinning, when will I learn from the Lilies?
that i can't add value to myself. That i'm at best in my sleep.
when i'm not going a hundred MPH looking for someone to say
"Good Job" .
buying 5 dollar coffee cups at Caribou when all along there's free coffee downstairs.
searching for leaves to cover my nakedness.

JOURNAL ENTRY : 10/5/08
I feel like I'm missing something. Jesus says that He loves me, a lot, actually unconditionally. That means that i can toil and spin, or I can sleep, and His love for me remains. But if that's true, then why do I long so much for someone to love me? Why do i toil and strut my stuff in the crowds searching for leaves to cover my nakedness? If I am really loved by Jesus, then that means that I don't have to strive to be loved. It means I can be myself, i can laugh at my own jokes, listen to folk. (?) It means that i can stop looking to her to fill that hole that we all have, the hole the size of an apple? If I trust that He loves me, since He does whether I do trust or not, then it releases me to run through the garden of this life without tripping over the approval of man every time i go to my closet or to the mall? Does this mean that I don't have to buy 5$ coffee cups because it makes me look cool?
It means a lot more than we think .
We are loved by Jesus, The Man
What does that mean to you?

"It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on."
- Galatians 5:19-21 ( The Message )

nothing else will satisfy.

Johns lonely voice crying out in the wilderness prepared the way for Emmanuel, God is with us.
A cry from self abandonment in our own wilderness has to usher in communion with Him... right?