The longing for a best friend

Written by Jennifer Giner

The Longing For A Best Friend

All my life I have longed to be called someone's Best Friend and have never realized the extreme that I would go to in order to hear someone say those words in return. I remember in High School I would do my friends homework just so she wouldn't get mad at me and just to be the best friend I could be, yet I was never good enough. Even now at age 26 I deal with this very thing. I have thought I have been the best friend I can be to people, I will go the extra mile, I will give when I don’t have and will sacrifice time with my husband to be that friend, I will listen when no one else is there and love uncontionally even when I know things were said about me that affect my character. And yes, sometimes I would hear it in return but then with technology the way it is, you have things like My Space and Facebook that show you who is in your top 10 and then you have tags on pictures that say it all, and then all you are left with is just empty words and a feeling of your not good enough, and you didn’t give enough. This may not affect many people but for the people that struggle with insecurity and disappointment and that longing for a Best Friend someone that not only says it but posts it everywhere, I have hope to give you. There is someone out there who thinks of you higher then anyone else. His name is Jesus!!! This week I have thought about this allot and it just blew me away on how caught up I was in being someone's best friend yet God longs for someone he can just call FRIEND. Our cares should not be placed on man but on God. There is an enemy out there and he is out to destroy your mind by your thoughts. Joyce Meyer is one of my favorite inspirational leaders, she writes allot about the Battlefield of the Mind. Allot of areas that she has gone through I can relate especially her frame of thinking. Joyce said for years she spoke whatever came to her mind and that got her in allot of trouble. I know that for me anytime I felt insecure or the enemy would attack my thoughts I would just say it and it pushed so many people away. We have to all come to a place in our life that we recognize where a thought is coming from and say "No this thought is a lie and from the enemy, but I know that the joy of the Lord is my strength and I don’t need to be at work and at church depressed, Instead I will think about God's word and the good plans he has for my life."

The devil puts thoughts in our minds and if we don’t know God's truth and how he really sees us then we will believe whatever the enemy tells us. This is the battle and we can learn to win the battle by learning how to fight it and let me tell you that the fighting part is not the way we think. We have to remember that our emotions will follow our thinking!!!! You will not win this battle overnight, it will take time. Always know that you are of worth and that if you don’t have people that call you Best Friend you have someone that calls your Friend and that is more priceless than empty words and broken promises. A good friend told me one time that I was not called to fit in because if I fit in I would not be able to fufill what God has purposed me here for. So know you are loved and when you are under attack and the enemy is at full force against you, attack him with the TRUTH from God's Word. And the best part is WE HAVE THE VICTORY EACH TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!

come into the light

It’s Christmas and I’m on my computer… and its because I have a lot in my heart. I read somewhere that it is scientifically proven that extreme exposure to light gives the resemblance of darkness. That’s why when you look at the sun you kind of go blind for a second or something.. and all you see is black until you move your eyes and then you see spots. Its uncomfortable to look at bright light. Our eyes are use to a certain type of setting, and if its raised or lowered we have to learn to adapt. I guess that’s why the closer we try to get to the Father… the closer we try to get to the Light, the darker everything else SEEMS to become. That’s how I’ve been feeling lately… like what was suppose to get better gets worse. What was suppose to get brighter just got alittle darker. Ever feel like that? Like you needed a breakthrough or an answer yesterday, and it’s today?? But heres where theres healing… knowing this is the answer… God understands. Im sure that after every miracle He did, after every prophet He sent back in the day…he thought “Maybe it’s going to get better. Maybe they will fall in love with me now. Maybe they will repent today.” But it didn’t . So He sent Jesus. And even then im sure he was thinking “Maybe when they see me in the flesh they will follow me. Maybe all it takes is for them to see that I understand what it’s like to be human and to feel what they feel… maybe now is when they will return to Me”. And still… we didn’t. So Jesus died. He shed His blood. God probably cried. But He never gave up. Im not giving up. Your not giving up. It’s hard... but we are drawing closer. The light is very bright… but it only gives the RESEMBLENCE of darkness. It’s not really dark… it just looks like it. Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death… it’s only a shadow.
Psalm 139:11-16
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Max Lucado…my favorite author wrote this :
“Can anything make me stop loving you?” God asks. “Watch me speak your language, sleep on your earth, and feel your hurts. Behold the maker of sight and sound as he sneezes, coughs, and blows his nose. You wonder if I understand how you feel? Look into the dancing eyes of the kid in Nazareth; that’s God walking to school. Ponder the toddler at Mary’s table; that’s God spilling his milk. You wonder how long my love will last? Find your answer on a splintered cross, on a craggy hill. That’s me you see up there, your Maker, your God, nail-stabbed and bleeding. Covered in spit and sin-soaked. That’s your sin Im feeling. That’s your death in dying. That’s your resurrection Im living. That’s how much I love you.”

friendship [a lost art]

[i pretty much took 6 days to write this blog due to fear of the result]

i am starting to learn about seasons. i think Solomon is known as the wisest man ever because of one thing: he understood the principle of seasons. winter is awesome, but if it was winter all the time then all the plants would stop growing and old ladies would freeze to death. suddenly winter isnt so awesome anymore. summer is nice, but if it was summer all year long, then...umm..then...well it would be kinda cool to have summer all year long. whatever the point is that there is a necessary shift in seasons during the year. i've also learned this: the things [or seasons] that we go through teach us valuable life lessons that we can share with others. this is what i've learned from the season i just went through: loneliness womps. i went through an "isolation" period of my life for "spiritual" motives. the motives were to seek God more whole-heartedly with less distractions. and the truth is that the "isolation" did work...for a while. and i think its the wise people who know when it's time for another change in seasons. but i played the fool. i got stuck in my season of "isolation" for way too long and ended up as the lone ranger pt.2 . it was the worst experience of my entire life. and because i was [felt] lonely, my relationship with God went into the dumps as well. something inside of me longed for community and warmth and i found myself caught up in a pickle: i had forgotten how to be a friend.

friendship seems like the easiest topic in life. not for me. and the truth is that i have realized that true friendship has become a lost art today. i'm not even trying to teach on friendship [i know very little of this treasure] , i'm just writing in this journal of mines and hoping that maybe i can motivate someone to atleast try. that's where i'm at. i'm trying to look at you in the eyes. i'm trying to listen. i'm trying to look past the veil and into the depths to see if your hurting or not [because i really want to help] .i'm trying to be interested in your interests [just because it interests you]. im trying to stay awake at night when your telling me how your day went. im trying not to say "um i gotta go" when there's an awkward silence. [someone once said that you know when a person really wants to talk to you when they don't have to run away from the awkward silent moments] ...

true friendship to me is when you can have a blast with each other just being. just hanging out, picking your nose. not doing anything awesome or expensive...

example : last saturday night, some of the boys and i decided to skip the "getty" that was going on at a church friends house and opted to go to south beach and just run around in the sand and just hang out. [3 guys at beach, midnight= wierd looks from everyone around us] [ and everyone that sees me after they read this blog] . and let me tell you, it was the coolest night ever. that's friendship. and you know what i've noticed, my relationship with God is much better now. because it's His children hanging out together, having a blast.

and He likes that.

so i'm trying.

and that's all that matters.

hey god whats up

"The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller, but for want of an understanding ear."- Stephen King

Ever wondered if God has things he wants to say… but hasn’t found someone to tell them to?? I sometimes wonder what the secret dreams of God are… what He’s been waiting for someone to ask Him. What He’s been waiting for someone to do. The things He’s hoping we’d tell him. He probably hopes every time we pray… or every time we go to church “maybe tonight will be the night they will fall in love. Maybe today will be the day they begin to see me for who I really am. Maybe this will be the song that they will sing to me… and not just sing along.”
Moses gave God something special. He was God’s friend. His buddy. God said “I talk to Moses face to face, like a friend, because He sees the form of the Lord”. [Numbers 12:8] God is just waiting for us to see Him for who He really is. To see His form. To see what hes really like instead of who we think he might be… or what they’ve told us he’s like. God wants to be your friend. He wants to be able to talk to us face to face too… I mean, think about it… the veil was broken in two. There is no limit. Moses didn’t have Jesus… yet he had a friendship with God. He didn’t have hillsong or Jason upton, yet his face was transformed everytime he’d pray. We don’t need anything… we just need passion. God is not looking for someone who’s all put together, has amazing discipline and can say all the right things at the right time. He just wants someone to talk to. And maybe this isn't politically correct or doesnt make theological sense... but he probably just wants us to ask Him… “Hey God… how are you.”

monks.

.religion. Jesus.
Pure and undefiled religion is this…to take care of the orphan and the widow in distress, and to be unspotted from the world…James 1:27

"Modern man is responsible to society- HE THINKS TRUTH IS ESTABLISHED BY MAJORITY OPINION. For religious man, responsible to God, God alone determines Truth, and one should avoid judgments based on false, human criteria. God stands diametrically opposed to world. Men were false- God was Truth: an unbounded abyss separated them."

---Abraham Joshua Heschel "Passion for Truth"

"Whenever we talk about religion, it is important that we make clear that true religion is not a bad thing, but a good thing. In fact true religion (a life responsible to God rather than to human opinion, or self rule) is, in my opinion, the way God establishes his Kingdom here on earth. So when we speak of religion in a bad light we are referring always to false religion, or anything that leads us to follow after our own opinions, or the opinions of pop-culture. If Truth is no longer relevant in the opinion polls of humanity, do we disregard Truth in order to be relevant? I hope not. An even more difficult and pressing question is when Truth is in opposition to our own opinion, or doctrines... Do we disregard Truth in order to protect our opinion? I hope not."

-jason Upton

I’m very frustrated.

What’s the purpose of my beliefs if there’s nothing being done with them?

We have fought so hard to kick religion out of our [religion] that we have been left as a bunch of monks speaking in tongues and dancing but making no effect at all on the earth.
Have you thought that it is possible that prayer has become a sort of [idol] to us?

C.S Lewis wrote “ I try not to pray for anything that I could do with my own two hands” .

Maybe I’m wrong. I probably am. But it just frustrates the hell out of me that I’ve spent thousands of hours [on the mountain] but very few hours [in the sea] . _read “burning in the sky” lyrics by : Jason Upton_ I mean, why would we get down from the comforts of the mountain [with all the “high” feeling that it brings]? Why would we trade the pleasures of our [church service] for church service? There’s a big difference. Who even named our gatherings [church service] anyways? Maybe it was the enemy’s attempt to get us to think we were doing our service by going to [service]? And what about religion? isn’t it our duty to be religious? [read verse on top] we now find ourselves to be the most lazy and ineffective generation of the church that there has ever been. Yea, we fill our churches on Friday nights and Sunday mornings, and yet there is more need right outside of our pretty walls then ever before.

*

So what does James say our pure religion should be?

To take care of the orphan [the rejected ones] and the widow [ the broken ones] and to be unspotted from the world [pretty obvious] …

*

[ I had previously written a long summary [commentary] on what this verse meant to me but I think the [ essay on the law of undulation] was too long so I’ll keep this short.]

*

...To take care of the orphan- our first [religious] duty is to be friends to the friendless…”the most terrible poverty in the world Is not the lack of money, but the feeling of being unwanted or unloved”- Mother Teresa. [Selah]

*

...To take care of the widow [this might require our finances] . The widow in mind symbolizes the many hurting people today that are in need of love and aid. It’s very easy in our lives to never notice the broken. But everywhere we look, there are hurting, dying people. “look beyond the window there” …

*

"It is the choice to suffer with our friends or not. It is the choice to enter into real life with others or not. It is the choice to build community around our common humanity or not. It is the choice to suffer with the One whom suffered for all humanity or not. We 'suffer with Christ' or not."

-Al Sergel

*

so maybe religion isnt too bad after all...

“Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.”
St. Francis of Assisi

The Law of Undulation [ an essay concerning it]

...this may be a little lengthy, but it's an essay i wrote on the Law of Undulation...may be interesting if it suits your style...basically so that you wont be confused the whole time that you're reading, the Law of Undulation is the promise of life that there WILL be ups and downs...this essay discusses what God and Satan think about it and how we should react during these times...by the way: [trough=valley]

**

“Has no one ever told you about the law of Undulation?” It is “the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks.” I have undoubtedly become very familiar with this law of undulation. I thought it might be a problem that only I had, but since reading this book, I now understand that all man is subject to this law as well. I go through cycles of high’s and low’s all the time. Mr. Lewis explains the law as well as anyone can in the 8th chapter of this marvelous book[Screwtape Letters]. In the next few paragraphs, I will elaborate on the key points that Clive points out about the mysterious, yet very real, law of Undulation.

Screwtape begins his discourse on the law by explaining to his young disciple that he has no reason to be joyful over the “trough” that his patient is currently enduring. He points out that “the Enemy” [God] takes the opportunity during these ‘low’ times in men’s lives to gain permanent possession of a soul. He states that some of “His special favorites” have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else. This trough in man’s life where God steps back for a moment and disables(in a sense) the soul’s sensitivity to His presence, serves God’s purpose in allowing man to decide whether or not they will obey Him. If God were to allow man to remain on the ‘peaks’ of spirituality at all times, then it will be contrary to His nature in that His presence would override a man’s will therefore breaking the law of free will. ‘He cannot ravish, He can only woo”. These troughs in our spiritual lives where God “withdraws” are not meant to destroy us, but rather to get us walking on our own two feet- “to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. “It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature he wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please Him best. And if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles. (This next line in the paragraph is one of the greatest that I’ve ever read)- ‘Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring , but still intending, to do our Enemy’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.” But like in every good thing under the heavens, Satan tries to pervert it to His pleasure, seeking to exploit the misuse of the God-given experience for His( Satan‘s) own profit. In the next paragraph, I will attempt to summarize the revealing of Satan’s objectives which Lewis so beautifully discerned.

I learned in prayer one night that the Enemy(of God and of my soul) understands fully that he is unable to kill a Christian ( at least not without permission), and because he understands this, His aim is to try to restrict the Christian as much as He possibly can. One of the ways He tries to limit the Christian is by exploiting them through the law of undulation. He doesn’t just try to exploit the trough periods , but also the peak periods of life. In the trough period, Satan tries to limit the Christian (especially the new one) through the lust of the flesh. Every man alive understands this test of the flesh during the weak moments in our lives. We are more vulnerable in these times, and the enemy takes no rest to make sure that our will is conformed until His. “To get the man’s soul and give him nothing in return- that is what gladdens [Satan’s heart]. To try to exploit these trough periods, Screwtape tries to make sure that [the patient] has no knowledge of the law of undulation. Screwtape understands that a man is more likely to triumph over the temptations during the “trough’ periods if he understands that he is justg going through a period, and that if he overcomes the temptations of the flesh in these period, the light at the end of the tunnel will be revealed and his “walk’ stronger still. But like I said, Satan does not only try to exploit the trough periods, but he also tries to win the man’s soul even in the peak times of his life. The way he does this is by perverting the God-given pleasures of the ‘peaks’ . Screwtape writes: “He [God] made the pleasures…all we can do is to encourage humans to take the pleasures which our Enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees, which He has forbidden.

So in summary, the law of undulation is permanent in humanity as long as were in time [there is coming a Day in which all of humanity will step out of time into eternity] and it cannot be run away from. Now that we understand this, we must take into consideration these two things; that God uses these trough periods in our lives to further strengthen us and to restore us to His image [through temporary withdrawal] , also that Satan attempts to destroy us during these times by the lust of the flesh and the weakening of the mind. Do not be deceived, there is one that seeks to destroy you, his name is satan and he has been known to steal many a soul through the law of undulation, but don’t fear, for this law will only strengthen us if were obey God, if we feel Him or not, in the peaks and the lows.

**

[not in essay]= my advice to all- now that we have this knowledge of the law of Undulation, the next time that you're feeling that you're in a "trough", get away from solitude and run to companionship...run around, do something, but dont be idle! and always remember the law to overcoming temptation " if idle, do not be alone...if alone, do not be idle" ...

remove the veil

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. ~e.e. cummings

Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson

How come it’s so easy to pretend? Ever noticed that we spend more time trying to please other people…. Doing things that aren’t really us, saying things we don’t really mean, living as though we were on some stage and we had an audience to please. The bible says that one day Jesus had just gotten baptized… and the moment he got out of the water God said “this is my son, in whom I am well pleased”, another version says “This is my Son, chosen and marked by my love, delight of my life”. Jesus hadn’t done a miracle yet… he hadn’t healed anyone, raised anyone from the dead yet, preached anything, flipped any tables… nothing. He was just Jesus. The one God created Him to be. Normal Jesus. well, not normal… but if we were to see Him then we’d probably think so. And God was pleased. Ever thought that God is just happy with us being us? Maybe we don’t have to please everyone to fit in. Maybe we don’t even have to fit in. Maybe we don’t have to hang around with the cool kids at church to have doors open up for us. Maybe God , like He said He would in the first place… would take care of that for us. Maybe we don’t have to pretend to be all holy… maybe it’s okay if we just admit it’s hard. Maybe we don’t have to look like the rest of them… talk like the rest of them… pray like the rest of them… maybe God just wants us to be us… the ones he envisioned while he was creating and putting us together. Maybe it’s time we start ending the pretending… and remove the veil.

What this world needs is
For us to stop hiding behind our relevance
Blending in so well that people can't see the difference
And it's the difference that sets the world free
- Casting Crowns

first place.

why is it that knowing about some hole in the wall place, or hearing some indie band before everyone else makes us feel so elite?
and why....why must we feel elite?
why does it make us feel so good to be 'better' than someone else?
disgusting I say.
well....not disgusting.
just human.

"So the last shall be first, and the first last."

the devil and G-d are raging inside me

right now i should be reading "The Screwtape Letters" by C.S. Lewis for my english class, but i'm the king at procrastinating.

for those of you who have never read or heard of the book, it's basically letters sent from Screwtape - a demon, to his newphew Wormwood. Wormwood is what you'd call a novice demon if there ever was one. he isn't educated in the ways of fooling humans the way his uncle is. in these series of letters Screwtape gives Wormwood advice on how to take a humans eyes away from The Enemy (G-d), and eventually bring them to their Fathers (Satan) house.

while reading this book a question arose in my mind that immediately made me put the book down... "what are our demons doing to take our eyes away from G-d... what weaknesses do they see in us that will easily take us off our narrow path?"

i personally believe we all have our own demons inside of us. the album title to Brand New's latest album says it best, "The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me." i believe thats true in all of us. theres a constant battle inside of us each time we make a decision. do we do what we know is right (G-d) or do we do whats wrong (the Devil).

it might be a little early for me to recommend it, but i'm really liking this book. definitely check it out whenever you have a second (after "Blue Like Jazz" (Don Miller) of course).

_________________

i don't know if anyone will do this or not, but if you feel so inclined, write something in the comments section you think the Devil tries to exploit in all of us. what does he do to you or people you know in hopes of taking your/ their eyes off his Enemy (G-d).

silence.

* “Do not speak unless you can improve the silence”

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” -Mother Teresa

"try going one hour with no phone, no computer, no music, no talking, no internet, just you and serenity. i don't think many of you will try it because a lot of us are afraid of the outcome... your afraid of what you might hear in the still, yourself. others will start, they will get away into the woods, and then 10 minutes into it their mind will begin to wander and think of 110 other things they should be doing, and 10 minutes after that return home to reply to that email or return that "urgent call". but if you succeed in going an entire hour of silence, not saying one word, in solitude, i think you will find one thing easier to discover...yourself. " - Stephen Christian

- in these modern times, silence never crashes into us. i've learned that we must knock before the door of serenity and silence is opened. and beyond this door there are many treasures, that few will find, for fear of silence. for silence is married to solitude, and solitude is the man pleaser's kryptonite. pride is non-existent in silence. it is rare to be in serenity for more than 20 minutes and not be humbled by the Eternal One. our enemy would love for us to be caught up in "wall street" where our ears are numbed by the busyness of life. but its in those wilderness's of solitude that Jesus, John the Baptist (and all the other cool guys) (and girls) found God and with it found themselves.

* In the silence, You are speaking, In the quiet, I can feel the fire,

And its burning, burning deeply, Burning all it is that you desire to be silent, in me.

Oh Jesus can you hear me? My soul is screaming out.

And my broken will cries teach me: What your Kingdom's all about.

Unite my heart to fear you,To fear you're holy name

And create a life of worship...In the spirit and truth of your loving ways

Jason Upton

Do you still love me?

* The diary of a not-so-perfect Christian... who God is madly in love with.

Good Morning Grace,
I woke up today and I forgot to pray. Maybe God was alittle dissapointed... I heard about this guy who prays every morning and he seems pretty awesome so I figured i should pray every morning when I wake up too. But i forgot. maybe im not that awesome....
I started getting dressed and was alittle fustrated cause I was running late. Maybe I shouldnt have gotten upset.. good Christians never get stressed you know? They should always be patient and happy. I guess im not that good of a Christian.
I finally got to school and I went to the bathroom to pray. First I repented for not praying this morning when I woke up, and then I just talked to God. I really love talking to God you know? He kind of is my best friend.. i tell him everything. I like talking to him also cause I know it makes Him happy... I love it when God is happy. I wish I could make him happier, kind of like how Benny Hinn does. God must be really happy if he lets Benny knock people over with just a blow...
Later on today I talked to someone about God during lunch. I didnt think they'd get saved but I did it anyway just because I love talking about God and I wanted them to hear about how great he is. This girl in my church saves like 10 people a week... I wish I could be like her. I think I saved someone last week but im not too sure...
When I got home I went to my room and tried the tips I learned at church about how to "really get in the presence of God". I turned off the lights and I played the songs i already had memorized really loud. I first started repenting of all my sins then I started praying for all the unsaved people... then i just used the new words I learned at church... I dont really understand half of them but they should really good when I say them. I figured God wouldnt pay much attention to me since i didnt pray this morning when I woke up and I didnt save anyone eithier...
but then something happened Grace..
God showed up in my room. No i didnt see Him.... but his presence was there... and he told me something... [he kind of whispered it to my heart but whatever, same thing...]
He told me about you Grace. He said you were mine. He said I didnt have to try to hard to be a good Christian because you were mine. You give me what I dont deserve...
it also didnt matter if i dont pray 2 hours a day or read alot of chapters of my bible because God still loved me. There was nothing I can do to make Him love me any less or any more...
What a relief!
Oh, i almost forgot....
He also said to stop comparing myself. He said he made me good enough.
I guess he really meant it when he said he picked me....

Goodbye Grace, see you tomorrow. I might really need you...
Love,
Seeker of Gods Heart.


OK... so this isn't an actual letter; but i tried. I know how it feels... i know how it is to strive really hard to barely be 'good enough'. All my life i thought that I had to deserve everything i had.. so i tried my best to get good grades at school and be a good daughter and friend. Maybe then I wouldnt feel so guilty about receiving love if i had tried to convince myself that somehow I deserved it because of all the good stuff i've done. Then i fell in love with God... and somehow again I tried to do things that i knew would make him happy just to believe that the love he gave me was because I was a good and faithful christian. If i spent long hours in prayer and reading my bible i was sure that God was totally in love with me... but if I didn't, or it wasn't long enough or even good enough; he was dissapointed at me. Ever felt like that? Ever feel like it's not enough? Ever get tired of trying and trying only to be as good as your last good deed?
I did. But guess what... we don't have to. He really really loves us and theres nothing we can do about it. He loves you when you pray 10 hours a day [even though i doubt anyone really does]... and he loves those 15 minutes when your washing your hair and you just tell him you are so in love with him that sometimes you feel like bursting. Stop trying and start loving him back. Stop trying to deserve what you already have and live freely. From an ex-striver, i tell you... Grace is sufficient for you.

Hes a God who has all things... and still He wants you. [Barlow Girls song]

<3

snorkeling.

like snorkeling? I do. the first time I went snorkeling was when I was 8 years old. I used to get so frustrated because some of my friends were swimming down under while I could only float around on the top watching them. my friends were interacting with cool reefs and fish while I was just watching. sometimes I would get so frustrated that I would try to dive in only to find myself drinking the purified urine and droppings of the Miami citizens. snorkelers can’t dive in to the deep (their snorkels wont allow them), but they can sure look at what goes on in the deep. Snorkeling is entertaining. a beautiful element of snorkeling is that when snorkeling, focus is turned unto one thing. stress is non-existent. it’s a very relaxing thing. most of us are snorkelers. we have our goggles on and were off swimming, in between ocean and sky, staring off into the deep .most people spend their entire lives snorkeling; never going into the deep, just watching. doesn’t it frustrate you to snorkel? floating around, watching others do awesome things (and stuff). whether we want to face the fact or not, there is a society called “needy’ out there. and it’s true to say that we are just snorkeling. the majority of us are anyways. I know I’m still snorkeling. and it’s frustrating. something in me longs to dive in and join in The Work. there’s also something in me that struggles to keep me floating upon the waters, watching. it’s called flesh (aka snorkel). I am probably the laziest man on the planet. I know what needs to be done and yet I’d rather watch. but lately I’ve heard the groan of frustration within me longing to be a part of The Work. there’s definitely opposition though. what’s your “snorkel” (corny, I know)? It’s hard to dive in when there’s an entire nation screaming at us through our plasma’s and Xboxes to just sit back and relax. the enemy would love for us to stay on the top just floating around, not doing anything crazy or different. and when we begin to dive in, he throws at us distractions (boys,girls,t.v,laptop,books,etc) one thing I learned about diving is that the deeper you go, the more pressure there is. maybe that’s why I haven’t “dived in” yet. I don’t like pressure. I’d rather sit around in my sandals relaxing. but I’m learning that Godly pressure is a really good thing. It’s good to have someone that presses you to dive in a little deeper. most people don’t like anyone pushing them to be greater, to dive deeper. I’m hoping that I can put some Godly pressure on you to dive in to The Work, and go deeper, for “deep calls out to deep”. God’s calling us deeper, “way beyond the veil”. so "get in the water!"- guy from "the notebook".

"Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment and dove into the sea."- gospel of john 21:7

Mrs Jesus Christ

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
This one's for the girls
- Martina McBride

There’s a desire in every girl to love and be loved.A desire to share every dream you have inside with someone who will dream it too.I read somewhere that men identify themselves by occupation.. for example, im bob the doctor, or im john the electrician, but women tend to identify themselves by relationship. Im so and so’s wife or sister or daughter… and we keep seeking that relationship with others to make ourselves complete and assure us of who we are. But what happens when the same people we are trying to find completion in fail us..? what happens when your best friend finds another best friend? Or when your family turns their back? Or when you realize Mr. right is not so perfect after all?That space in our hearts that we tried to have someone else fill is now empty and there’s a longing inside of us again to be made whole. Think you’ve felt the greatest rejection?

Nope… theres someone whos waited all eternity for your attention.All eternity to be with you.All eternity to have your heart.
All throughout the bible you hear of God changing mens names… he changed abram to Abraham, Jacob to Israel, simon to peter.. but only a few times has he changed a womans name.I think it was twice.. im not too sure.. but I believe God wants to change your name. im still trying to live up to it but he did it with me and he wants to do it with you. You know what He wants to call you? Mrs. Jesus Christ.I know… sounds funny. But he wants to marry you. He wants you to find yourself in Him and find completion. He wants to be the husband you’ve been praying and waiting for… he wants to be the best friend that will never leave you, talk bad about you, backstab you or get bored of you. He wants to be the perfect Father who will show up to every dance recital, look you in the eye and tell you your beautiful and protect you. You know how whenever we like a guy we tend to sign our name with his last name just to see how it will look together?? Just in case we ever do get married just to practice how we are going to sign our checks and stuff… haha.
Well God wants you to sign yourself as His bride… Mrs. Jesus Christ.

Hosea 2:15-16

There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.
"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master.

Isaiah 54:5

For your Maker is your husband—
the LORD Almighty is his
name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

Lovesick

Song of Solomon 5:9
What's so great about your lover, fair lady? What's so special about him that you beg for our help?

He wanted to love me.

I like to think a lot… I know, sounds boring. One day I was driving and looking at all the cars passing by and thinking that in every single car there is a person who has a family, who has dreams, who has pretty much… a life. But I also thought that in every car there is a person who has also hurt God in some way, including me. So I asked God, “God… why do you love us so much?” – and right away came my “theologically enhanced I know it all answer” when I remembered that someone had once said it was because He created us. Even though that sounds pretty accurate, it wasn’t enough… so I said “then why did you create us? If you love us because you created us… why did you create us in the first place?” I mean think about it… God knows everything. He knew Eve was gonna eat the fruit… he knew Jonah was going to run away… he even knew the nails on Jesus’ hands were gonna hurt… so why did he go through all that trouble of creating humans when all we’ve ever done is bring him trouble?

You know what He told me??? “I wanted to love you.” I felt God just speak over me [and no it wasn’t in some supernatural audible voice…. ] that he created us because he wanted to love us. Yes he thought about every time we’d sin. Yes he thought about every time we’d disappoint him. He even thought about every time we’d get all prideful after He’d use us and how we would sometimes try to steal the spotlight. He thought about all of that . Im sure he laughed too…. But then He thought about the times that we’d worship Him. He thought about every time we would tell him we loved him and really meant it. He thought about when we would talk about Him to other people, not with the goal of “getting them saved” but just because we were so in love that the whole world has to know. He thought about all that… and he wanted it. He wanted to love you.

So to answer the question about what’s so special about my Lover…..

Songs of Solomon 7:9-
"I am my lover's. I'm all he wants. I'm all the world to him!"

He sings over us with love……….

dear martha.

“Our thoughts create our reality -- where we put our focus is the direction we tend to go.”

vanity. sidetracked.

you've spent countless hours "serving me". you've read hundreds of books about me. you can quote nearly the entire bible. you've won every debate on doctrine & theology. you've become distracted with "much". but one thing is needed. come sit at my feet. come listen, i have things i want to say to you. i have some secrets to tell you. i want to be intimate with you. here's the key to your prayer closet (you lost it. i found it under one of your books).

come hang with me. lift up your eyes and see the dying. zoom your lens unto the onething that is needed. do me a favor, crop out everything else and focus on Me. i do it for you everyday. my eyes are on you, seeking for the worshipper inside of you.

have you become sidetracked?

how many hours one our Journey have we focused on the things that don't even matter?

in eternity, God's not going to ask you "how many verses could you quote?", He's going to ask "did you live it?". He's not going to ask you how many theological or doctrinal debates did you win, what He is going to ask is "how many of My kids did you bring back to me?" there's only ONE THING that matters.Him. pleasing the Saviour. is your table full of books and yet your prayer closet unvisited?

try doing this: for one week.crop out all the distractions and hang out with Jesus. make your prayer closet your home.

this was the "new noel is not amzing version" of:

LUKE 10:38-42

"There is great danger of being corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ; 2 Cor 11:3. Satan desires to destroy us; and his great object is readily accomplished if he can seduce Christians from simple devotedness to the Redeemer; if he can secure corruption in doctrine or in the manner of worship, and can produce conformity in dress and in the style of living to this world. Formerly, he excited persecution. But in that he was foiled. The more the church was persecuted the more it grew. Then he changed his ground. What he could not do by persecution he sought to do by corrupting the church; and in this he has been by far more successful. This can be done slowly but certainly; effectually but without exciting suspicion. And it matters not to Satan whether the church is crippled by persecution or its zeal destroyed by false doctrine and by conformity to the world. His aim is secured; and the power of the church destroyed. The form in which he now assails the church is by attempting to seduce it from simple and hearty attachment to the Saviour. And, O! in how many instances is he successful." - a guy named Barnes

self-satisfaction

a great man of God wrote this (i forgot his name) :

Self-Satisfaction

Self-satisfaction is the death of progress. Contentment with worldly goods is a blessing; but contentment in spiritual things is a curse and a sin. What said Paul? "Not as though I had already attained" Phil 3:12. Some of us think, "If we could get as far as Paul did, we should be satisfied." But Paul said, "Not as though I had already attained;" and then he added, "Forgetting those things which are behind" Phil 3:13, why, some of us wish we had such things to recollect; but he wished to forget all that he had done, and to think only of what remained to be done;-"Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Oh, for this sacred forgetfulness, by way of contentment, of all successes and achievements, so as still to be pressing forward! I would that every believer had, for the glory of God, that spirit which is never satisfied, but always cries for more. I would have the hearts of Christians insatiable as death and the grave, for how can we bear that men should be for ever lost? How can we be quiet while hell is being filled, and souls are perishing day and night? How can we be at ease while God is blasphemed, while Christ is unknown in a great part of the world, and where he is known, he is not beloved? How can we be contented while the black prince of hell seeks to steal the crown rights of King Jesus? Contented and satisfied? Never, till all over this our highly-favoured land Christ shall reign as Sovereign Lord; nay, not then, nor till in every continent and island the nations of the whole world shall have heard the gospel, and vast multitudes have prostrated themselves at Messiah's feet in loyal and loving adoration. Up, saints of God, from your resting-places of inglorious sloth, and begin to cry aloud, and spare not; come to God's throne with a sacred spiritual hunger, for thus shall the Church of God be filled with good things. May God, in His infinite mercy, bless His message, and His shall be the praise and glory for ever. Amen.

love is free.

love
–noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

Love - one of the hardest words in the english language to define - in my opinion at least. dictionary [dot] com makes seven (the number of perfection huh... coincidence?) attempts on defining the word (shown above) and most fall short when compared to the Bible's.

now, i'm not much of a note-taker and most of my high school teachers can attest with the low test scores, but a few weeks ago i took more notes than i probably ever have. it was a friday night when my church's college group Bible study saw "Flame," one of the many Nooma dvd's by Rob Bell. the dvd spoke of love and the definitions the Bible gives us of the word throughout it's "sexiest" book "Song of Songs."

bold = original hebrew word.
raya: friend or companion - somebody you hang out with.
example: Thou [art] all fair, my friend, and a blemish there is not in thee (Song of Solomon 4:7).

ahava: love of the will, commitment. more profound than romantic feelings or temporary urges. ahava is making a decision to join your life to the life of another.
example: Many waters are not able to quench the love, And floods do not wash it away. If one give all the wealth of his house for love, Treading down -- they tread upon it. (Song of Solomon 8:7).

dode: to rock or fondle, physical, sexual.
example: Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth, For better [are] thy loves than wine.

after reading those definitions of love, the first thought that ran across my mind was "damn, english is a pretty simple language, why can't we have different words for love?" wouldn't life be so much simpler when it comes to expressing your true feelings for someone?

i mean, how many times has a good friend of ours looked at us weird for saying "i love you" to them? instead we could have just said "hey bro, i raya you." hah, wouldn't that make life simpler, or is it just me?

i don't know, love is a confusing thing isn't it? we lose friends, jobs, and sleep over it all the time. regardless of the hardships attributed to it, i believe love is the most important thing on this earth, and G-d calls us to love not only Him, but his creations. why? because he created them in His image. my good friend Johnfrank once said: "to deny love to a stranger is to deny G-d," and believe him to be right.

now, don't get too excited, that doesn't mean you should dode everyone... or anyone for that matter, but it does mean you should raya everyone. as "christians" (i hate this label, but thats for another blog) we should love everyone. the ones who have wronged us, hate us, deceived us, cheated on us, the list goes on and on.

G-d is love.
G-d is free.
love is free.

there is nothing more important in this world than love. if every single person on the earth loved each other we wouldn't even need "unconditional love" because no one would wrong their neighbors. think about that for a bit... no wars, no murder, no suicide, no pain...

unfortunately though, as we all know, thats not the case, and thats why i believe that as followers of Christ we are called to be the change. to start a movement that should have started generations before us. a movement of love, unconditional love that shines Christ's love through us. to end the wars, murders, suicides, and pain.

so i ask you this:
1. define love and...
2. how can us "christians" show Christ's love to non-believers?
[answer in the comments section]

love is the movement.

.....he wants you.....

“Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry."

...have you ever thought of this: God the Creator wants you...
...it's pretty much awesome...
...the worst feeling in the world is to like someone
and all they do is ignore you...
i've been there...i'm there...He's there...the whole cry of the Bible is God calling His little child-bride to Him.the whole thing about Jesus dying for us is God calling our name saying "come be my friend". one day the Father (no not the catholic leader person) spoke this silently over me when i was about to pray, He told me"i get butterflies when you pray to me".it was one of the only times i've ever heard Him speaking. that kinda messed me up. i had always thought that He was pissed off at me for some reason. have you ever realized that when we get butterflies, we tend to do really silly (or stupid) things. i'm personally a wreck when i'm face to face with a crush. at the heat of the moment, i say and do really dumb stuff. (note to all girls: i say really dumb stuff even if you're not my crush) had to say that. this might not be the most theologically correct statement but here it goes: i think God was in that position. He loves us so much that He did something pretty "silly". He sent Jesus. i can imagine the angels in heaven conversating (is that even a word?) over eternal fraps saying"He's lost it!" and maybe He did. love makes people do really silly things. he gave it all up for us. and he's not angry at us. he wants us. if we would just open our ears, we would probably hear him calling our name. see this makes our walk with God so much more exciting. it means that when we screw up, he's not pissed, he's brokenhearted - only because sin seperates us from Him. and its His nightmare to be seperate from us. so think about it. God knows your name. and he's calling us to be friends with Him.

"i opened for my beloved,
but my beloved had turned away and was gone.
my heart leaped up when he spoke.
i sought him, but i could not find him;
i called him, but he gave me no answer" - song of solomon 5:6

A Franciscan Benediction

A Franciscan Benediction
May God bless you with discomfort

At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships

So that you may live deep within your heart

May God bless you with anger

At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,

So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,

So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them andTo turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

To believe that you can make a difference in the world,

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done

To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.

Amen

Bride Dream

Bride Dream
“Excellence can be obtained if you:...care more than others think is wise;...risk more than others think is safe;...dream more than others think is practical;...expect more than others think is possible.”

I remember having all these big dreams when I was a kid. The older I got, the smaller my dreams became. "Reality" struck me like a Tyson left hook,and brought me down to reality. But reality sucks. I remember dreaming of having a beautiful wife that was in love with me and me with her, but all i hear now is: "Noel its not as awesome as you think". I get the same response when i begin to talk about my future. Recently, God put it in my heart to start dreaming big again. Especially in the field of ministry. I've always wanted to do huge things for God, and until recently i had lost those dreams and i was thinking"maybe i'm just going to be normal". God really hated these words. He wants me to dream big. So i'm starting to again. Most people that dream big have their dreams based on the American dream: get a well-paying job, drive a nice car, live in a big white house, and maybe work enough so one day they can retire. And when they retire, they feel so lonely and purposeless that most retirees actually return to their job. During this past retreat (Unite 07), God gave me a dream to live for. He called it the Bride Dream. It's God's dream. Its the call of Joel 2. God dreams of a day when His Bride will return to Him. Can you dream it?: Masses of homosexuals return to their Creator, government leaders returning to the morals of our nation's forefathers, Hollywood abandoned to God! Can you dream big enough to see your entire school passionate for Jesus? What about all the liquor stores in Miami being shut down for lack of business. What about the clubs in South Beach having to be used as Houses of Prayer..."Those dreams are too big Noel !"(or we can even say that to God) That's not reality. Have you ever read the book of Jonah. If you haven't, try reading it tonight( it's only four chapters). The entire city of Ninevah turned to God (including the leaders) in a day. Are we Jonah? Afraid to obey God due to the greatness of the task. God's dream was too big for "reality Jonah". God's looking "big dream" Josephs "risky" enough to turn an ENTIRE nation back to Him. I'd rather dream big and fail then to not to dream at all and succeed. " I have a dream!" , cried out Martin Luther King Jr. Then he was shot. Why? The "other side" hates dreamers. If we can see into the supernatural, we would be able to see the swing left hook of the enemy trying to bring us to reality and cause us to stop dreaming.
“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”