* The diary of a not-so-perfect Christian... who God is madly in love with.
Good Morning Grace,
I woke up today and I forgot to pray. Maybe God was alittle dissapointed... I heard about this guy who prays every morning and he seems pretty awesome so I figured i should pray every morning when I wake up too. But i forgot. maybe im not that awesome....
I started getting dressed and was alittle fustrated cause I was running late. Maybe I shouldnt have gotten upset.. good Christians never get stressed you know? They should always be patient and happy. I guess im not that good of a Christian.
I finally got to school and I went to the bathroom to pray. First I repented for not praying this morning when I woke up, and then I just talked to God. I really love talking to God you know? He kind of is my best friend.. i tell him everything. I like talking to him also cause I know it makes Him happy... I love it when God is happy. I wish I could make him happier, kind of like how Benny Hinn does. God must be really happy if he lets Benny knock people over with just a blow...
Later on today I talked to someone about God during lunch. I didnt think they'd get saved but I did it anyway just because I love talking about God and I wanted them to hear about how great he is. This girl in my church saves like 10 people a week... I wish I could be like her. I think I saved someone last week but im not too sure...
When I got home I went to my room and tried the tips I learned at church about how to "really get in the presence of God". I turned off the lights and I played the songs i already had memorized really loud. I first started repenting of all my sins then I started praying for all the unsaved people... then i just used the new words I learned at church... I dont really understand half of them but they should really good when I say them. I figured God wouldnt pay much attention to me since i didnt pray this morning when I woke up and I didnt save anyone eithier...
but then something happened Grace..
God showed up in my room. No i didnt see Him.... but his presence was there... and he told me something... [he kind of whispered it to my heart but whatever, same thing...]
He told me about you Grace. He said you were mine. He said I didnt have to try to hard to be a good Christian because you were mine. You give me what I dont deserve...
it also didnt matter if i dont pray 2 hours a day or read alot of chapters of my bible because God still loved me. There was nothing I can do to make Him love me any less or any more...
What a relief!
Oh, i almost forgot....
He also said to stop comparing myself. He said he made me good enough.
I guess he really meant it when he said he picked me....
Goodbye Grace, see you tomorrow. I might really need you...
Love,
Seeker of Gods Heart.
OK... so this isn't an actual letter; but i tried. I know how it feels... i know how it is to strive really hard to barely be 'good enough'. All my life i thought that I had to deserve everything i had.. so i tried my best to get good grades at school and be a good daughter and friend. Maybe then I wouldnt feel so guilty about receiving love if i had tried to convince myself that somehow I deserved it because of all the good stuff i've done. Then i fell in love with God... and somehow again I tried to do things that i knew would make him happy just to believe that the love he gave me was because I was a good and faithful christian. If i spent long hours in prayer and reading my bible i was sure that God was totally in love with me... but if I didn't, or it wasn't long enough or even good enough; he was dissapointed at me. Ever felt like that? Ever feel like it's not enough? Ever get tired of trying and trying only to be as good as your last good deed?
I did. But guess what... we don't have to. He really really loves us and theres nothing we can do about it. He loves you when you pray 10 hours a day [even though i doubt anyone really does]... and he loves those 15 minutes when your washing your hair and you just tell him you are so in love with him that sometimes you feel like bursting. Stop trying and start loving him back. Stop trying to deserve what you already have and live freely. From an ex-striver, i tell you... Grace is sufficient for you.
Hes a God who has all things... and still He wants you. [Barlow Girls song]
<3
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[thoughts on religion, God, life, and the world around us.]
profound words.
"God is not proud...He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him."
- C.S. Lewis
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
- Jamie Tworkowski
- C.S. Lewis
"We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home."
- Jamie Tworkowski
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3 comments:
Is God really madly in love with His church? Well, let’s look at what the Bible says and find out. When God made Eve from Adam’s rib she was the only woman in the world. Adam only had eyes for her. Even if he wanted to be with another woman he couldn’t because she was the only one on earth! There was no other! She was his sole honey pie, his one and only sweetie cheeks (?) and the exclusive focus of Adam’s attention.
Well, the last Adam, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, has set His sights on His bride…the church…and we are the apple of His eye. (See Zechariah 2:8 and Deuteronomy 32:10) The term “apple of my eye" in these verses in the original Hebrew doesn't mean a fruit in your eye, or even the aperture of the eye, but instead it literally means "the little man of my eye." So even if He wanted to look upon another He couldn’t, because in God’s flawless eyes there is no other!
Do you remember when our Lord was crucified with two thieves on each side? Notice how He ONLY spoke to the one that would be with Him in paradise, and never uttered a word or acknowledged the other malefactor. Why? Because he only has eyes for His church! There is no other!
We can go on and on with many other scriptures, and they all point to this one great truth; Our Lord Jesus Christ is definitely madly in love with His church and we are the apple of Jesus’ eye and to Him there is no other!
I love you mel!!! keep doing this it's awesome
His grace really is sufficient. For me personally it is a daily struggle to acknowledge that I will never be good enough or worthy enough. There is no church formula in existence that could make anybody good enough. I think that the hardest part is admittng that we need Grace and then being comfortable with the reality that will will always need it. <3
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