gravity

"what great gravity is this that drew my soul towards yours? what great force, that though i went falsely, went kicking, went disguising myself to earn your love, also disguised, to earn your keeping, your resting, your staying, your will fleshed into mine, rasped by a slowly revealed truth, the barter of my soul, the soul that i fear, the soul that i loathe, the soul that: if you will love, i will love. i will redeem you, if you will redeem me? is this our purpose, you and i together to pacify each other, to lead each other toward the lie that we are good, that we are noble, that we need not redemption, save the one that you and i invented of our own clay?
i am not scared of you, i am scared of me.
we were fools to believe that we would redeem each other.
what great gravity is this that drew my heart toward yours? what great force collapsed my orbit, my lonesome state? what is that wants in me the want in you? don't we go at each other with yielded eyes, with cumbered hands and feet, with clunky tongues? this deed is unattainable! we cannot know each other!
i will love you like God, because of God, mighted by the power of God. i will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. i will simply love. i am giving myself to you, and tomorrow i will do it again. i suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before i am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.
God risked Himself on me. i will risk myself on you. and together, we will learn love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him, unto us. "
-Don Miller, Polaroids

the great gravity that brought jesus from the heavens unto this earth will bring me down too, unto my knees, for the least.

girls and lack of.

" i understand you can learn a great deal about girldom by reading Pride and Prejudice, and i own a copy, but i have never read it. i tried. it was given to me by a girl with a little note inside that read: what is in this book is the heart of a woman. i am sure the heart of a woman is pure and lovely, but the first chapter of said heart is hopelessly boring. nobody dies at all. i keep the book on my shelf because girls come into my room, sit on my couch, and eye the books on the adjacent shelf. you have a copy of Pride and Prejudice, they exclaim in a gentle sigh and smile. yes, i say. yes, i do."
- Don Miller, Blue like jazz

i know nothing of girls.
and i suck at acoustic guitar.

.

the pursuit of righteousness

I am in a pursuit. I feel a lot like King David in Psalm 27:8 when he said “When You said, “Seek My face, “My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.” My heart is just responding to the desires of Gods heart as he gently whispers them over me. Deep calling out to deep. Like I’m in a desert frantically, desperately looking for water. Just a drop won’t even satisfy cause I need to be immersed into a river that never runs dry. I can’t even explain how I feel… it’s as if every time I even think about God I fall more in love. And the thought that the same God who in half a sentence created the heavens and the Earth longs for my weak devotion is the greatest romance I could have ever hoped for. You know how they say that eyes are the windows to ones soul? His eyes are a blazing fire…Rev 19:12, revealing the burning passion He has inside for you and for me. My whole being wants to be consumed by this fire… till there’s nothing left but Love in me.
Songs of Solomon 8:6-7
6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

on the keyboard.

tonight i spent a couple of hours on my laptop listening to music, watching the nba playoffs, and contemplating my grounding. that's right, im grounded again. i'm realizing i dont fit into the school system. they want me to do work at home. i disagree with that notion. i spend enough time at the prison they call school so when i get home, i'm over the rainbow and am a slave to freedom and to the wind. i can do as i please and i will bulldozer all that stand in my way. i'm just playing, i'm not that rebellious to school. i actually enjoy learning it's just the take home work that pisses the hell out of me. my brother in-law thinks that i'm creating a habit for college. my dad says it's more of a habit for life. they're probably right. i think i might drop out, but seeing that there's only 15 more days of school and my cap and gown is on my passenger seat...i think i might endure.

on another thought: i love the night-time. everyone is asleep except for me and God, and snoopy. i think i'm nocturnal. the night time brings me to life again. my headphones are the keys to my spaceship. the bible is blurry but it makes me. i'm minutes away from the most beautiful place in my life right now: my dreams.

life is wonderful.

currently
listening to: jon foreman/ in my arms ; death cab for cutie
reading: the Psalms ; the irrestible revolution and Stephen Christian essays [ www.modesty.blogspot.com ]

and
i'm starting to believe i'm writing to myself and Mr.Torres. [ no complaint intended ]

pride vs. improvement

the following is an essay from Stephen Christian, the guitarist of the band 'Anberlin' . :

"The (un)easiest acquisition.
praise is an easy acquisition, anyone that considers you a friend or you consider them a friend would instantaneously extend a kind word upon request. compliments seem to waterfall from most parents (hopefully) at random occasions and most of the time you don’t even have to ask for their approval, they simply profess it without a proposition.

the challenge in life is not to acquire praise but seeking criticism; Wilma askinas said “A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.”
other people already know the dark/negative sides of us even when we ourselves cannot see it. it takes a real man or women to ask our true friends “what are some areas of my life you see i need to work on? what are some of my character flaws and how do you think i can improve them?”

by knowing the answers to these questions and NOT TAKING OFFENCE TO THE ANSWERS YOU RECIEVE, digesting them, and working on those areas in our life to improve ourselves we are not only working on/out our shortcomings but improving ourselves and the lives of the people around us.

'honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger'. Franklin Jones
mr. jones was saying that criticism is going to be hard to take from anyone; and it will be. most friends are going to be VERY hesitant about giving you the truth until they see why you want it and trust you that you are not going to be defensive and begin to point out their flaws. unwanted criticism about personalities and character is the poison in the vein of a healthy friendship. never point out someone’s flaws just because you assume they want to change as well. if you do ask your friends the heart wrenching questions above you will see that one has to arrive in a particular mental state, prepared for the number of discouraging answers one might receive, before you even initially ask. let them see the improvement in your life by applying the solutions to their answers and they will want to ask you the same questions down the road.

why not improve? why not question our family and friends with these questions? why live in a constant state of denial the rest of our lives? realize that the only person you are deceiving is yourself, everyone around you knows your shortcomings! what holds us back is not a lack of time, deep friendship, or honesty… it is merely PRIDE. it is the deception of self-righteousness that is the ugliest cause of the constant lack of improvement in our character and lives.

Kill Pride. Improve."

idea: get together with some friends and talk. better yet, sit on your parents' bed and ask them how you can improve.

it will hurt. like a sword.

attraction.

‘sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. it is as if they are showing you the way.’- Don Miller

dear friends and leaders, i was cold, but you fanned the flame in me, just by watching you love God.

thank you for your passion.

i hope one day i can do the same to others.

fAT fRIENDS

my ex-fiancee

My heart leaped for joy

when I ran into my ex-fiancé,

the love of my life,

and she said, “I miss you.”

Until I realized she was saying,

“Ayeee! My shoe!!”

As I was standing on her foot.

- aaron donley

it was confirmed to me this past week that i am very clumsy. i fell countless times on my senior trip. on sunday, me and a few friends from church went to mourn with a friend that had her dad pass away, and while i was on the phone with a friend, i crashed my head into one of her dad's trophy animals that was hanging on the wall. i fell, they laughed. she smiled. and that made me smile.
and so i got up and my glasses fell. that got less laughs and more weird looks toward me.

they think i've lost it.

bono

When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. 
It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed. 
You and I, we are the Church, no? We have to share with our people. Suffering today is because people are hoarding, not giving, not sharing. 
Jesus made it very clear. Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do it to me.
Give a glass of water, you give it to me. Receive a little
child, you receive me.

 

me and You and them and me

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
- Mother Teresa

i fell in love this week with:

1. reading [ the irrestible Revolution by: Shane Clairborne } & {blue like jazz - again ]
2. a guy named Allistair "Superdutch". [ whom i met in N.Carolina ] . i'm not gay.
3. another guy named Julio Anta [ and his many questions on faith and his liberal point of view. ]
4. guitar [ and old hymns ]
5. Mother Teresa
6. the poor. [ and those who love them ]
7. Apparently this curly haired girl [ and my not being able to keep her off my mind , or conversation ] .
8. Travis & Turn .
9 . Dashboard Confessional and So Impossible.

and i'm really hoping to fall in love with the Bible again, my attempt begins tonight with Hosea.

i'm hoping that i will be able to write a real blog by the end of the week, so bear with me. and pray hard, because i suck at this writing thing.

bye.