i guess i haven't been blogging lately because lately any blog over 120 characters goes unnoticed from the publics eye. there was only one person who seemed to absolutely love listening to me rav on and on about pointless theories and telling short stories that make absolutely no sense. that person swore to be gone forever from my life for Divine reasons which has me in this rather unhealthy habit of questioning God. in my life's span there's been hardly the pretense in my prayers, not uncommon for one raised in the Hispanic order. i was trained to wrestle with God in my prayers. i've been told that He's utterly and deeply interested in my struggles, doubts and worries. and i've got this guitar that was given to me by a gracious individual. so i've been spending my friendless nights with my six strings and a living God. i'm absolutely satisfied with having a Friend who loves unconditionally. i've also been trained to say that too. [thats what we christians have to say]. the truth is : i'm not. it would also be very true to say Christ is able to fully satisfy.

"i give you a finger and you take my whole arm"- my dad says all the time.

unfortunately with God i've been content with a little when He's offering so much more. so from now on i'm going to be like a good friend and stay on the "phone", press through those awkward silent moments, and call more than just when i'm bored. and like lovers, we'll only hang up when we've mistakenly fallen asleep.

“Poetry is the music of the soul, and, above all, of great and feeling souls.”
— Voltaire

what to say what to say ?
my mind feels as though it were a shrewd worm trying to sneak from out under Everest. i haven't been able to think creatively in the last couple days. its terrible.
my friend leaves school today, and i probs won't see him for a very long time. this life that the good God has given me resembles that of a tent. i am never home. i am always saying goodbye...

O—O (via kimdokhac)

jason reeves defined us through the year.
john mayer carried us over to this "whatchamacallit" season we are all in.
who know's what these next few moons has in store for us...
does anyone know, "really? please tell me."

#bestfriends.

travel with canon my desire


dream landscape (via Barnies)

“Talent is helpful in writing, but guts are absolutely necessary.”
— Jessamyn West

heart-drop

I'm thinking about how far I am willing to go for this thing that I want most in my life right now. Am i willing to lay that down for a while and believe that God can bring it back to life again? As far as I know, all my human effort will fall to the dust. Only the Divine can sway...

my LOVE/HATE relationship with romance

my biggest temptation right now is to FLOAT.
i want to just play guitar all day and read TUMBLR.
most of my blogs are made up love poems that i post
to make the reader think i'm in WONDER.
i'm not there.
haven't been there for a VERY, VERY long time.

--

i'm so interested in romance. i admit i find it fascinating.
i grew up in a home that constantly surrounded me with it.
my mom still gets nervous when my dad knocks on the door.
and so i've found in myself an inclination to daydream, write, dialogue
about romance ALL THE TIME.

--

i also have found that nothing in the world scares the hell out of me
like romance does. the thought of it makes me run back to my cave
with Don Miller. He's really good for lonely people like myself.

--

i learned recently that there are some people that aren't fascinated
by romance at all. they actually daydream about being single all their lives...drinking tea and becoming a Secret Window character. it doesn't bother them at all. they write about things that matter, like Obama's progress as president or the comparison between Macbooks and PCs. some of them even write about Jesus all the time.

lucky souls.

just going to go ahead and say that this weekend ranks amongst the greatest.
thank you miami.

ten steps to becoming a better writer

according to brian clark:


Write.
Write more.
Write even more.
Write even more than that.
Write when you don’t want to.
Write when you do.
Write when you have something to say.
Write when you don’t.
Write every day.
Keep writing.

--i think its nearly the same method for photography .
and love?

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
— Jim Morrison

i daydreamed today for nearly three hours on whether Jesus would want to have coffee with me or not. At first, i thought that Jesus might be a tea kind of God.
i concluded that if i'd ask Him to coffee He'd probably shrug His shoulders and say "shoot, why not?". then i imagined that He asked me why i talked about romance so much on my blog.
he said that he agreed with Torres.
i complained to Him saying that He messed up when He made it this way. i told him that it should be a lot easier, without headaches, phone scratches,etc. oh, and i told him that hormones was a bad idea too.
overall, it was a pretty sweet daydream.

Yikes! The truth is known: what transpired between us- love or infatuation or whatever it was- here is the proof. it was real,it was deep. i didn't think it was this deep did you? i moved thousands of miles away but there's this annoying room with a locked door in my mind. there's conversations and memories locked in there. on nights like these i feel hopeful enough to crawl in - I PEAK. and every time i do it takes me back to this place. i dream, you know that right?
course you do.

oh, how many times have i tried to forget
that god-forsaken table.
the story of the kiss rejected
(any thoughts of kissing another)
i know what you said (they told me)
and i walked away
trying to convince myself that it was
ALL A HOAX.
all lies, right ?
noel you're wrong.
i left but she's gone.
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN:
only the good-looking guys win them back at
THE END.

“I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough.”
-the notebook

“You are everything
I have always dreamed of but
never woke up to.”

nightmare.

“[reading, about Noah] She had come back into his life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into his heart. Noah stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony he knew would be his if he were to lose her twice.”
— The Notebook