i hear my train...

"As a child I dreamt of saving the world, but realized it would have none of it, as a man I dreamt of changing my nation, but was ignored, as an old man I dreamt of changing my family, but couldn't, and only now on my death bed do I realize I should've changed myself, then my town, then my nation, then maybe I could've changed the world." - Some Archbishop

im repented that i grew too attached to some things over the past few months. So my prayers are that it all might grow distant with the distance. this is the end of something and the beginning of something new altogether. My desires have untied the knot. the glue has dampened. i'm not complaining. its just all part of the package. my friends say that all will remain the same. but i would have to render that false. it will all change. and change is good.

i was sitting down with a friend the other day. i told her that i did not know why i was doing this. i have never felt the sovereignty of God as heavy as i do at the moment. why can't i just follow the path of the one whose treaded it ahead of me? i don't know how this will end up. usually when one thinks that everything will change, not much really changes. but i want things to change. i want to fall into the hands of my Maker. that means change. that means risk. that means no more shortcuts. im casting myself unto the Sovereign One. i can't help but shake as i write this but find confort in the biography of brother Hudson Taylor who forsook all to preach the Gospel to a gospel-less China. with only pennies in his pocket, He remained faithful to the Faithful One, not asking for any money for his entire career as missionary in China. He trusted. He now wears a crown on his head that "perishes not". [ Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret by: Dr & Mrs. Howard Taylor]

the 25th: im off chasing my dreams. this is what i've spent entire nights talking to friends about since i was a kid.

"how can they hear without a preacher" right?